Wednesday, January 02, 2008

Gray Nightmare

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"Aunt Harriet had for years labored under the delusion that I was not only perpetually four years old but also a bat." -- humorist Bruce Wayne, in his pseudo-biography "In God We Trust (All Others Pay in Blood)"
There are fans out there who deplore super-hero costumes that are drawn with wrinkles, as though they were actual garments. These same fans otherwise require their comics to be drawn with photo-realistic detail. (And yet they believe that women are perfectly capable of contorting themselves so that their tits and asses are pointing in the same direction.) What I wonder is this: how do they feel about Batman's (and Superman's) costumes being drawn with thick, knitted-looking collars and cuffs? It used to be the norm. It's Pre-Crisis chic! Old-school! Probably, Brad Meltzer owns a pair. Still, it made those outfits look more like footie pajamas than crime-fighting attire. Say, does Batman's costume have a convenient flap on the posterior? I really need to know this. Why? That's personal. And I'll ask the questions around here, thank you very much.

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Lost in Don Newton's Viewmaster-inspired panel layouts, a teensy, flaccid caption box vainly begs for your attention. Its cries unheeded, it develops a heroin habit, is reduced to homelessness and prostitution, and perishes of an overdose while giving a blowjob to a jagged edge explosion balloon.

4 comments:

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

And is there any reason why Batman is resting his cup of coffee on his junk?

Anonymous said...

"And is there any reason why Batman is resting his cup of coffee on his junk?"

He was under the impression it would lower his sperm count. why else do you think he refrained from slipping on a Bat-Condom before making it with Talia?

-Phil

David Lawson said...

The knitted collar and cuffs always gave me the impression that Batman's tunic was a sweater of some sort. Which makes me wonder if the emblem on his chest was a patch, or if Alfred lovingly knitted a bat in a yellow oval for his employer. Heaven knows Master Bruce can't catch cold when fighting crime.

Blockade Boy said...

Jon: Because G. Gordon Liddy already took the "putting one's own hand into an open flame" bit.

Phil: I like your explanation better!

David: But Batman drew the line at the cute wool cap with the "ear cozies."