On this week's "Apprentice," the contestants worked with dogs, and she-troll Stacy received her long-delayed boardroom pasting. It was a glorious thing to behold. Trump, Carolyn, and a substitute George all pitched in to tear her several new orifices. Stacy's strategy -- which has become a lifestyle for her at this point -- was to make sure that she took no important responsibilities during the tasks, and then to heap blame for losing on somebody else. "Somebody else" being someone who actually did something. Trump and friends finally bothered to call Stacy on her nonsense and gave her the old heave-ho. When she dragged her refrigerator-sized luggage out of Trump Tower, the traditional taxi waited for her at the curb. I was rather hoping for a clown car. And yes, I know the short jokes are in bad taste, but I'm happy to make an exception for Stacy. Seriously. She's a dreadful human being.
The project managers this week were Jennifer (Apex) and Wes (Mosaic), who in the past weeks have had about fifty-two seconds of total screen time. Combined. After this week? They're still ciphers. In a brilliant, shit-stirring maneuver, Trump made Wes and Jennifer choose the three people they liked least. These losers had to go to the other team. And here's a bonus: with the teams sporting an equal mix of women and men, the Apex "witchfinder general" monopoly is at long last broken. Of course, this didn't stop Ivana from preemptively blaming Elizabeth, just in case her team lost. Maria was exempt from firing this week, due to last week's miracle win (courtesy of Satan). Maria celebrated her good fortune by contributing pretty much nothing at all to the task, strolling about a New York park dressed as a combination firefighter/Hooter's waitress, and, in a fashion masterstroke, pinning a triffid to her lapel. Chris informed the television audience that he has the biggest paycheck of anyone on his team. Is that what the young people are calling it now? A "paycheck?" He uses that big paycheck to buy many "underwears." Chris also has a ROLEX PRESIDENTIAL watch. I bet that would go nicely with Maria's DESIGNER SUIT. And Chris? Suck my "paycheck."