Blockade Boy Say Relax

Because I've added labels (a.k.a. "tags") to all of my posts! And I added a handy-dandy complete list of the labels to this very page you're on. It's right under the list of blogs. All of the design categories are listed, of course, and you can also find every post with your favorite hero in it. Just for the sake of brevity I didn't add any "villain" labels (except Doctor Doom, because how could I not) and my "Contest of Champions" posts had so many heroes that to list them all would exceed Blogger's labeling capacity for an individual post, so I just summed it up with a "Contest of Champions" label and called it good. Also for the sake of brevity, I restricted "creator" labels to just a few people I seem to talk about a lot. Which right now is just Geoff Johns and Herb Trimpe. Remember those lists of previous installments I used to add to my posts? I'll be editing those bits out since they've been made obsolete. (Or as that guy on that one Twilight Zone would say, "OB-SO-LETE!!!")

I learned a lot of interesting things while I was labeling. Like?

• I've mentioned Storm Boy even more than I thought I had. What, me bear a grudge? Naw!
• My childhood was filled to the brim with traumatic events.
• Back when Membros was working for me, he once got me to give him a day off because he had to attend Antron's funeral and then three months later he posted about having recently had dinner with Antron which makes me wonder what other shit Membros pulled behind my back. Or maybe he just knows a lot of guys named "Antron."
• Going way back and labeling Jeremy's "America's Next Top Model" recap posts, nearly every one of them also qualified for the "stank attitude" label. Mostly because of Ya Ya.

So be sure to check out the labels. Y'know, since I busted my ass working on them. (Seriously, my back is killing me for some reason.) Or as I like to tell Weight Wizard, "Play around... have fun with it!"

What's Your Christmas Wish?

This Christmas I want one of them persunal hovercraft deals like I seen the Atomick Skull use cause word around the pokey is the Skull is putting together a new gang only you got to own your own persunal hovercraft deal if you want to join up so that'd pretty sweet I mean I hear his benefits packege is top of the line with all your dental needs completeley covered which I guess makes sense considdering if you got a skull for a face your gonna make pretty goddamn sure your teeth look nice right? Also I want for that bum Steve Lombard at GBS to use one of them sports bloopers tapes I keep sending him I mean I got this one thats a real byoot its from the time I was in Two Faces mob and he put me in charge of filming our heists so we can go back later and see any mistakes me made and anyway this ONE time we was robbing the box office at the Gotham Goliaths game on Free Hat Night and Batman was chasing me and Izzy and Soupbone and then Batman conks Soupbone right in the old melon with a Battering and he goes flying over the rail and he lands on the umpire in a way that it looks like hes ass-ramming him I mean thats pretty good right? I dunno.

This Christmas season I'd like for once to get away with wearing my special mistletoe hat at Harry's office building without running into that one burly delivery guy who makes kissy-noises and winks at me and calls me "Precious." Also, I'd like to get his phone number. Er, so I can give that turkey a real piece of my mind! Yeah.

I want an oficial Micronauts Crater Cruncher, the orange one, with the bulldozer scoop and the extendable crane. Because I'm tired of walking to work.

Id like to get in another post before the end of the year I mean its been what? Seven months now or something? Jesus Christ. Does anybody in theyr right mind think that Manny chump is any kind of replasemint for ME? Like hell he is I mean I coold take that fat balding dope any day of the week and you can tell him I said that too. My cellmate Fabian got released last Laber Day and I feel like I dont see nun of my old friends no more and I aint had a mackaroon in ages Im getting serious lonely you guys. Blockade Boy where are you?

I'd like for Santa to bring me a diamond-tipped grinder I can use for sharpening costumes. Also? I want Blockade Boy to realize that he's a horrible fashion design and to turn over the blog to me so I can start righting all the fashion wrongs he's made. Night Girl in a printed catsuit? Puh-LEASE. She obviously should be wearing a full-body owl costume with cut-outs for her beehive and her tits.

I just want everybody who has ever stopped by this blog to have a great holiday, whatever it happens to be.

Me too, Jeremy. In some ways, I wish the Christmas season would never end. Mainly because I've gotten more action in this Santa outfit than I've gotten in my last four costumes combined! Oh, well. (And don't fret, Lenny; I'll visit you next week.) Happy Holidays, everyone!

My Dinner With Antron

Hey, guys! Don't panic... I know I usually only show up to deliver messages like "Jeremy's computer crashed and there'll be no more blogging for three-and-a-half years" or "Blockade Boy went out line-dancing with Battallion and that was a week ago and we haven't heard from him since" but this time I'm just here for fun. Blockade Boy thought you might like to hear about my visit with my cousin, Antron, "the" Antron, the one from "Micronauts" #36 (December, 1981).

Antron was in town on a sales call -- he works as a rep for a company that sells those vinyl deals that separate ceramic tile floors from carpet in office buildings -- and he invited me out to dinner. It was great seeing my cousin, especially because I don't often get the chance. When we were larvae, my parents and his parents got in a huge fight over a liverwurst sandwich someone had dropped on the ground at a picnic and that led to a lengthy estrangement. At age twelve, Antron witnessed both his folks getting stepped on by a fat guy at the beach. Antron quickly found himself homeless. Unable to find employment both because of his speech impediment and the racist propoganda put forth by the Royal Family, he developed an addiction to sugar water. To support his habit, he fell into a life of crime. Swept along by the revolutionary tide of the new Baron Karza administration, Antron cleaned himself and joined the military. I only saw him once during this period. I was shocked by how much he'd changed. Formerly a very solemn but sweet young man with bright twinkles in his eye-facets, he had become a grim, strident fundamentalist who had even taken the extraordinary measure of shaving off his sweet man-perm (the traditional hairstyle of our people) and painting his carapace dark gray in order to emulate his hero, Baron Karza. He was like a stranger to me.

Since the collapse of Karza's regime and the new spirit of egalitarianism and economic freedom that has spread over our land, my cousin has abandoned his Karzist philosophies and reinvented himself once more. Now a happy and successful vinyl... um, thing salesman, he divides his time among work, charitable causes, his wife and egg-sacs, and, of course, maintaining his kick-ass man-perm. He looks back on his days as a revolutionary with both pride and bemusement, and he had some interesting tidbits about the famous counter-revolutionaries known to your planet as the Micronauts, and especially about their leader, Commander Rann.

"Rann was a racist dickweed-dickweed," said Antron. "Sure, he was a big-big astronaut hero but his political views were as provincial as they could get-get. He just couldn't believe someone-someone with our background could engage him in a fair fight. I remember a Microverse Today article where he said he thought all the insectoids fighting-fighting for Karza were grown in a test-tube or something. Jackass-jackass. I could hold my own with that brain-dead space-jockey because I got educated-educated -- something that was illegal when the Royal Family was in power. Karza did-did everybody a favor when he wiped out those throwbacks. And then we were left with their skanky-skanky daughter, what's-her-name with the hooker wig... bah!

"I remember when I had a shot-shot at Rann. Just the two of us-us, mano-a-pincer. It was sweet-sweet. My squad-squad had followed the Micronauts to Earth and had them cornered in a school, which was I thought was delightfully ironic-ironic. I pinned him against a wall-wall and grabbed a spiky Earth artifact to finish him off.

"And then I don't-don't know what happened. He flipped me around in some kind of freaky ballet maneuver and stuck my ass in the wall and I do mean-mean my ass. It took-took Lobros and Centauria to pry me back out. It was-was humiliating. You know-know, I still get cramps back there when it rains?" Antron silently chewed some of the lima bean we'd been dining on, and I could tell his mind had drifted back, to another time, to another life, when he'd been a warrior. He didn't say much the rest of the evening. I may not see my cousin again for quite some time, but I have no doubt that I will see him again.

He's a survivor.

No Super For You!

I gave Membros the day off so he could attend Antron's funeral (got burned to death by some kid with a magnifying glass). So I have to tell you myself that my "Lionfang" post will be delayed until late, late tonight. I'm still stuck in the design stage. I've been sketching and sketching. Jeremy asked me why I looked so frustrated, and I told him I couldn't come up with a costume worthy of Lionfang, and then he guffawed and said "If you can't even design a costume for a fourth-rate loser like Lionfang I think you need to just give the fuck up and get a job at McDonalds or that nine-planet ice cream shoppe you're always talking about" and I didn't like his tone at all so I grabbed his nose between my index and middle fingers and twisted it real hard until a little blood came out and that was the end of that.

So I'm gonna shoot for sometime tonight or worse-case scenario early tomorrow morning, like around one-ish. I know, I know. Sorry.

One thing I know for sure is Lionfang's gonna have a cool Abe Lincoln type beard because it's leonine. And speaking of interesting facial hair, look for something fun along those lines at the end of the week!

And Now Membros With An Urgent Announcment

Hello, all! Membros here, official spokesmonster for Blockade Boy. People say my brains are exposed, but what they're looking at is really my rockin' man-perm. I'm the Mike Brady of the Micronaut World! And now my announcment: the second part of Blockade Boy's discussion of the Zodiac Cartel has been unavoidably delayed because Safari crashed on Jeremy Rizza's ancient Mac (from 1998!) and destroyed the post which Blockade Boy was too lazy to have saved in draft form, and now it's 7:08 in the morning, Central Standard Time, and Jeremy Rizza is going to be late for work (again!) and for some weird reason he won't let Blockade Boy on the computer if he's not at home. Go figure. So Part Two will have to wait until either lunchtime or tonight. From everyone here at the Blockade Boy Organization, our sincerest apologies. In the meantime, enjoy my perm!