Chairman of the "Sword"

Now it can be told! Here's the super-duper, triple-reverse secret project I've been working on. It's a grand parody of that "Sword of Aquaman" picture that's cracked the internet in half, or at least chipped it a little. It was the idea of my internet pal Scipio, of Absorbascon fame. That's him in the center, in a stunning costume designed by yours truly (to Scip's specifications), gladly replacing the mysterious pseudo-Aquaman (or "Arthur Curry Joe Dorita," as I like to call him). Instead of a big heavy sword, he's holding a fencing foil and his pet dog! In place of the original pic's be-tentacled sorceror is Starman; in place of King Shark is Orca the Whale-Woman. And lounging seductively at Scipio's feet is the throbbingly powerful Vibe, looking right at home despite having been choked to death by a robot about twenty years ago... oops! Hope I didn't spoil any old comics for you. Anyway, they're all Scipio's favorite characters, and truth be told, I'd rather read a comic about them than this tedious-looking Conan knock-off DC is about to foist on us all.

I drew the whole thing myself. Well, Jeremy helped. A little. Mainly in plastering his surname on it, even though he didn't have a damned thing to do with it. Hey, just like Edith Head with the costume designs for "Sabrina!" Also, he insisted on crediting the original artist, Jackson "Butch" Guice... even though I personally happen to think it's abundantly clear that this is a perfectly legal parody. I'm not a "swipe artist," and I'll fight any man who says I am! (Preferably after dinner and drinks.)

'Til Death Us Do Party

In a week or so, I'll post some new costume designs. (Two words: "Black Condor!") I'd have done it sooner except I've been working on a super-secret project for pal Scipio, and also? It's the holidays! Or as I like to call it, "the party crashing season." Thanks to my time bubble, I can slide myself into any superhero soiree I wanna! Here's a roundup of my festive exploits over the last few weeks:


Hyper threw a hat party, and his was the grandest of all!


Although Peacemaker's was a close second.


Stardust and his longtime companion had one of them barefoot, outdoor hippie weddings. Everything was made out of hemp. Even the wedding cake.


Dart threw a bitchin' hootenanny, but he monopolized all the available guys! Of course, now I'm looking at them without my rum goggles on, I'm thinking he can keep 'em.

Here's what happened when the Falcon's housewarming party got a trifle out of hand:

Now granted, that's the biggest, most elaborate fondue set I've ever laid eyes on, and yes, Falcon, it sucks that he didn't keep the receipt, but that's no reason to attack the poor mofo.

I consider myself something of a "playa," but even I have to draw the line somewhere. I intercepted an invitation for a "key party" thrown by the Red Dragon. And here's what I saw when I opened the front door:

At which point, I slammed the door shut again and got the hell out of there.

Have a happy 2006, everybody! (I've already seen it and trust me, it won't be that bad.)