From the government that brought you the Marine Corps comes the next big idea in gay-friendly law enforcement! Introducing the "Angel Squad!" The Angel Squad is looking for slim-waisted young men to float gently about on individual hover-platforms while wearing designer jumpsuits and carrying what appear to be gym bags with bazookas sticking out of them! And you don't even have to be gay! (Although it sure helps.) We're targeting a wide array of people!
Are you a neatfreak germaphobe? The Angel Squad gas mask recycles air directly from your own lungs for maximum purity!
Are you knock-kneed or pigeon toed? No problem, because a design flaw in the hover-platform forces you to stand like that anyway!
Do you have puny, sloping shoulders like Clive Owen? I mean, don't get me wrong, I think Owen is kinda sexy and all, but did you see him with his shirt off in "Gosford Park?" It was truly disturbing! Put a coat on, Clive! Cover your shame! But I digress! To continue, the Angel Squad uniform disguises your fatal figure flaw with a puffy top made of drip-dry Beyonderalyne! And the hover-platform is designed to make your shoulders look perfectly ginormous!
Do you have a smooth, frictionless crotch? Well, to be brutally frank, we'd rather you didn't but we can't afford to be choosy right now so we'll take you anyway. If you insist.
Are you looking for romance? You just may find it in the Angel Squad!
So go to your local recruiting office today. A world of adventure, fashion and individual hovering awaits you in the Angel Squad!
(Disclaimer: you may occasionally be called upon to battle Godzilla.)
