So, I've been reading Jeremy's copy of "The Official Handbook of the Marvel Universe" Volume 2, #8 (July, 1986) and I feel I need to point out a major error. The descriptions of what the Mandarin's rings do are totally incorrect. It's clear to me that the writers were just pulling this nonsense out of their asses. Thank heaven I'm here to set things right!
We'll just go down the list, starting with the left column.
OHMU says: "ice blast"
I say: "materializes a set of novelty store hillbilly teeth for a quick, easy disguise"
OMHU says: "mento-intensifier"
I say: "spritzes Elizabeth Taylor's 'Diamonds and Sapphires' perfume. Contains notes of ylang ylang, lily of the valley, rose, jasmine, and spice. Aim it at your foe's eyes or apply some to your pulse points for a romantic evening with that 'special henchman.'"
OMHU says: "electro-blast"
I say: "instantly pickles anything, from cucumbers to millionaire playboy industrialists."
OMHU says: "flame blast"
I say: "gives your opponent 'hogdog fingers.'"
OMHU says: "white light"
I say: "so-called 'earring ray' can actually pierce any part of your enemy's body, from their eyebrows to their scrotum."
OMHU says: "black light"
I say: "makes pancakes! But it usually burns them."
OMHU says: "disintegration beam"
I say: "Post-It Note ray is helpful for reminding yourself of evil errands you need to run."
OMHU says: "vortex beam"
I say: "lobs a frisbee at your enemy's head. Can be countered with: a bandana-wearing golden retriever."
OMHU says: "impact beam"
I say: "hypnotizes anyone into writing a long, boringly academic blog entry about Starro the Starfish Conqueror."
OMHU says: "matter rearranger"
I say: "don't tell anyone, but... it's a clitoris."
There you go!