Wednesday, August 23, 2006

MacGyver, He's Not

Dirt in his hair? Ah, he's disguised himself as Jude Law.

Accidentally sent to the future by Superman's backwash (of air! What were you thinking?) Jimmy finds himself a hated fugitive thanks to a historical misunderstanding. ("The Boy Who Killed Superman," the above panels scanned from the reprint in "Jimmy Olsen" #113, August-September 1968.) Jimmy's complete disguise consists of the aforementioned dirty hair, a referee's uniform, hotpants (but of course), bright blue boots (not shown) and a Members Only jacket. My mind is boggling right now, trying to imagine the previous owner's lifestyle.

Unluckily for our Jimmy, he's captured in the very next panel by a "human magnet... tuned to killer Olsen's personal wave-length!" I guess he needed more dirt. But then he manages to escape and has a series of wacky misadventures until he's finally caught "for reals" this time and placed in a line-up with three other hotpants-wearing gentlemen -- some of whom don't really have the figures for hotpants. I'm specifically referring to you, circus strongman-looking guy on the far left. Jimmy's fingered by Brainiac (ew) -- no, not that one, just a generic thinking machine -- and the future folk punish him by sending him back to his own time. Phht. I think cyanide tablets would have been far more effective.

On a more personal note, I wouldn't say this to just anyone... but I like to think of myself as a "human magnet." And I'm tuned to your personal wave-length. *cue mellow jazz music as the lights in your room dim romantically*


Anonymous said...

Apropos of nothing, at first I misread the title of this post as "MacGyver, He's Hot". From there I naturally inferred that in the 30th Century, MacGyver is worshipped as a god and his name has thereby become an oath...

naladahc said...

Your posting of panel two has given me the goal in life to start a band.

That band's name?

Jimmy Olsen's Hot Pants.

Steven said...

My mind is boggling right now, trying to imagine the previous owner's lifestyle.

I have no idea how he used to live, but the "for charity" box implies he just got married.

I'm guessing she just went through his closet looking for clothes that were "worn out" (i.e. ugly and out of date) and that night there was a big fight about how dare she give away his favorite pair of hot pants to charity!

Anonymous said...

"We'll broadcast his giant image in the sky"

Not "broadcast a giant image of him, but "his giant image". I don't think Jimmy's all that chunky.

Clearly, the notion of how fat makes you a "fatty" has spiraled entirely out of control in 30th century pop culture--and Bouncing Boy is constantly fending off requests to appear on talk shows featuring "morbid obesity".

Must be the effect of hot pants coming into fashion for everybody.

Brandon Bragg said...


"...future clothes..."


Anonymous said...

It's a future where humanity has evolved to the point that the right answer to "Honey, does this make my ass look fat?" is "Yes!".

Del-V said...

I like the how the police in the future will be projecting giant images in the sky for all people to see. Hey, what about the people in the buildings there... can they see the giant image too?

I doubt it.

Also, it is a relief to see that there will still be dirt in the future. I always imagined that that the "hair in a can" spray-on crap would replace good-old dirt for makeshift hair darkening in the future.

I also imagined that the dirt of the future would be mostly radio-active fallout.

And I also imagined that hot pants would be a lot hotter.