Monday, April 14, 2008

It's All Fun and Games Until Gadfly Lad's Arms Get Chopped Off

Well, thank the Luck Lords that's over! The Blockade Boy Revenge Squad is suitably smashed, and I've acquired like, two hundred new boyfriends who don't mind it when I tell them how to dress. Oh, and most of them are green, thanks to Green Boy, but I'm told that will wear off. Eventually.

Of course, there was the not-so-little matter of Gadfly Lad. I'll get to him in a bit. But first, some bullet points:
  • Most of the Revenge Squad is now in jail, and rather quickly, too. It turns out Gadfly Lad had already transmitted the Squad's records to the U.P. before I got a chance to. So the Squad's headquarters were stormed by U.P. goons soldiers (and a fine, upstanding bunch they are, too!) about twenty minutes into the donnybrook.
  • Intern Alchemy got one of the longer sentences, for counterfeiting space-cheddah. But from the look on his face when they loaded his battered, moist body into the hover-ambulance, I think he's going to like prison just fine.
  • Polecat and Calamity King kept arguing over which one of them was the mastermind of the whole operation, so both their asses got handed life sentences.
  • After a thorough review of his activities in the Squad, Green Boy was arrested for "aggravated loitering", given a lengthy scrubbing, and sent to a halfway house for depressed losers.
  • Gossip Queen is in the prison hospital, getting his face reconstructed, to accommodate two regular robot eyes, instead of that souped-up model he used to spy on me. It's back to short-range psychic tracking for him! By the way, I've heard that he told the doctors that he wants to look like Coluan teen heartthrob, Dox Efron.
Now, about Gadfly Lad...

It turns out he's got a soft spot as well as a hard-on for Calorie Queen, because when I tossed him his old flying harness (hidden trickfully behind my cloak), he grabbed her arm, and hollered, "Come with me, if you want to live!" But just then, two of the less-savory members of the Blockade Mob sliced his arms clean-off, using laser axes. Gadfly Lad collapsed in an adorably tiny heap. Calorie Queen held up her own arm, with one of Gadfly Lad's severed arms still clinging to it, and then we both started screaming and punching the living daylights out of the Mob members. I took a moment to shoot Ox a look and to nod my head a certain way. Ox took my meaning, because he gathered up what was left of Gadfly Lad, and barreled his way through the riot, and outside, to safety.

At the hospital satellite, Gadfly Lad was given two options: they could either grow two new arms for him, which would take nine months and cost three whole wheels of space-cheddah, or, they could slap on some robot arms, which would take immediately and cost one-jillionth of the first option. Gadfly Lad asked if they could outfit the robot arms with lightning bolt powers. The doctors shrugged their shoulders and said, sure, why not?

The U.P. dropped all charges against me, but they insisted I complete my contract as a space-pirate. Since I don't have any artificial limbs (anymore), I'd have to be a first mate, or something even more degrading. And then -- bless his heart! -- Gadfly Lad raised a metal arm, and asked if somebody could replace me in my unfulfilled space-pirate duties! That's right: the scrappy li'l fella is gonna be a space-pirate captain! With his new robot arms, he's more than qualified! Gadfly Lad also wrangled a deal for Calorie Queen to serve as "first mate", on a work-release program. I couldn't help but notice the sparse black fuzz already sprouting on his cheeks. It seems my little man is getting older! Or maybe the frequent screwing with Calorie Queen has jump-started something. Either way, it's nice to see.

Gadfly Lad decided he doesn't want to be called that anymore, on account of it not befitting a space-pirate, and also that it would "cramp his romance" with the insect-phobic Calorie Queen. A dazzle-gem of an idea gleamed in my eyes. I told him that I had the perfect new identity for him. So, one new costume, some hair extensions, and a pair of spray-painted Nth-metal wings later, I give you...

THE NEW BLACK CONDOR!


blackcondor3008color

12 comments:

Bill S. said...

How do you tell the more-savory from the less-savory members of the Blockade Mob?

Anonymous said...

Wow! The New Black Condor looks fantastic! I would love to see how Calorie Queen is dressing now that she's a the first mate--Just hope she keeps the ol' bell bottoms that were part of her original costume. (I love bell bottoms)
-TomG-The Littlest Luck Lord

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

That is a cool costume for the New Black Condor and 135672345566897 times better than the original Black C0ndor's costume. You know the purple trunks that go halfway up his belly? Yeah, what was he thinking?

Gustavo said...

I cannot help feeling a little bad about Gadlfy Lad, even though he did deserve his fate. I'm a big softie.

I wonder if any of the Revenge Squad members will take up blogging from prison. Just imagine!

Also, just imagine these "all-man" ( Gossip Queen, yeah right ) homophobes in prison...Heh, is it really awful of me to laugh?

Blockade Boy said...

Bill S.: It's complicated. You have to give them a real thorough going-over before you can tell.

TomG: Interesting notion...! Maybe she could incorporate the bell-bottoms into a "sexy sailor" outfit.

Jon: I've met the dude, and he's bonkers. Who knows what's going on inside that melon of his?

Gustavo: It's not too awful...! *grin*

Bill S. said...

Um, how thorough are we talking about here?

You definitely incorporated some elements from your Black Condor redisgn, lo those many years ago, no? Gadfly Lad looks much, much better!

LurkerWithout said...

Oh man. Dude. Gadf..Tate..The New Black Condor is just totally bitchrod. Of course Cal Queen should get a make-over and new name also. Maybe as the newest legacy for the Phantom Lady. Then they could call their space pirate ship the Free Money Fighter or something...

Blockade Boy said...

Or maybe she could be the Human Sexbomb! (Seriously, I might suggest that to her...)

Johnathan said...

Yeah, you just topped anything I could think up...

So do the Black Condor's arms shrink, or is he stuck at his full size?

MaGnUs said...

Go Black Condor!!!! A space pirate, way to go!!! Got room for a weapons officer? I already have a costume.

Blockade Boy said...

Jonathan: Fret not: the arms shrink, as do the costume and hair extensions. Sometimes he'll let Calorie Queen carry him around, perched on her shoulder like a parrot. A really bossy parrot. It's disturbing. In a good way.

MaGnUs: I showed your pic to Black Condor, and he said that you're hired! Just hop into a time bubble and meet him at Lallor's biggest spaceport! (I trust that isn't a problem.)

MaGnUs said...

Hmm... I'll find a time bubble... eventually... and get there in time... the beauty of time travel!!!

Did Black Condor get some tanning sessions? I must say it looks good; but I do miss the goggles.