I found this ad in Marvel's "The Champions" #10 (January 1977). And let me tell ya, the similarities between myself and these two bionic hotties are startling! For instance, you see the two guys wrasslin' like that? Imagine I'm Maskatron. Imagine Steve Austin is Weight Wizard. Now imagine this happening in a candle-lit room with some house music playing in the background. That used to be a typical Friday night at my place. But wait, there's more!
I also adorn my clothes with huge patches depicting my own face!
Just like Steve Austin, I can lift an accordion with ease!
If I shave off my sweet-ass goatee and muttonchops, I look just like that guy who plays Roy on "The Office."
C'mon. I can turn into a steel wall! It's a no-brainer! Also, I can down thirty tequila slammers in one sitting, but another "shot" and ZONK! -- there go my arms and legs!
Okay, now it's getting downright eerie. A denim leisure suit is what I wear on my "special missions!" But instead of a wrist radio, I take along a roll of duct tape, a rubber werewolf mask, salad tongs, pinking shears, a can of Silly String, a helium tank, and peanut butter. Lots of peanut butter.
But perhaps I've revealed too much.
5 comments:
Your blog is fantastic! Love your humor. Don't ever stop, and thank you for updating so often. You're the best!
Love, your anonymous fan ;-)
Hate to have to correct you, but the Six Million Doallar Man is Steve Austin not Steve Rogers.
I owned that $6 million Dollar Man Doll when I was a kid. He had permanent red underpants with circuits in the waistband. Go figure.
anonymous: thank you very much... Mom? (Kidding. I think.)
David: D'oh! I've corrected it now. I don't even like Steve Rogers (See my "Miss America" costume design post for why) and yet I was asking my readers to pretend he's my deceased ex-boyfriend. Somethin' subliminal going on there, maybe. In which case, YIKES!
Chawunky: That's what guys did before Viagra.
>snerk<
Yes! Indeed, it has a distinct air of a "Tony Stark approach" to addressing male sexual dysfuntion.
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