Friday, March 17, 2006

Is That A Bowling Pin On His Head?

tv star

Yes! Yes, it is. A bowling pin with some pretty embroidery and two cow horns. Apparently the Supervillain Costume Barn was having a clearance sale. And nobody was happier about that than Maur-Kon, the bad guy from Marvel's "Shogun Warriors" #6 (July, 1979). And sure, installing a TV camera in front of the toilet made sense at the time, but who could have guessed some asshole would pirate the signal while you're trying to pass that tainted pulled pork sandwich you ate last night?

immense enjoyment

"Inside Combatra, Lord Maur-Kon is enjoying himself immensely..." Then why are both his hands in plain sight? And why is he crying? Oh, I understand now. Maur-Kon used to run with a Mexican gang, and they gave him those badass teardrop tattoos they're so fond of. And judging from the elaborate mustache, Maur-Kon also used to be lead tenor in a barbershop quartet. Man, that must have been a hectic schedule. 2:00 PM: pop a cap in Julio's ass. 2:15 PM: join the boys for a medley of Steven Foster tunes over at the Senior Citizens' Center. 2:30 PM: hold switchblade against Paco's right cheek and demand to know "why he always gettin' loud wit' me." 2:45 PM: head over to the Wal-Mart for more mesh t-shirts and mustache wax.

Naw, I'm just funnin', Maur-Kon. So, this is probably the first time anybody on the planet has mentioned you in any context at all in over twenty-five years. How does that make you feel?

from behind

Pfft. I have the feeling this wasn't your first time, honey.

And now, some vaguely inappropriate sound effects.

doosh doosh doosh doosh

Er... yes. Indeed. "Doosh."


Anonymous said...

Ack! You made me laugh so hard I spit the hummus I was eating all over my monitor.

Jeremy Rizza said...

I'm sorry about that! Also I'm a bit jealous. Because I'm hungry. (Mmm... hummus.)

Anonymous said...

You forgot one thing, Blockade Boy: his collar, when removed from his shirt, doubles as a hat fit for holding up to 3 pounds of fruit when he and his posse have "Carmen Miranda Dress-Up Thursdays."

Jeremy Rizza said...

Hee! That is one socially progressive Mexican gang!