Friday, March 31, 2006

Hat Out Of Hell

Say what you will about Maximus the Mad. Sure, he drugged his entire family with "hypno-potions" and he tried to destroy the Earth with meteors. But the man certainly has a flair for choosing a chapeau.

I want you

"I WANT YOU! To pull my finger!" Here, Maximus has found just the right cap to compliment his jogging suit. Modest but not meek, this sporty little number is trimmed in real gold and, apparently, keeps his Rastafarian dreads in check.

You kidding me

Yeah, I had the exact same expression when a really bitchy salesgirl at a Coast City boutique told me my knit cap made my head look like an acorn. Anyway. That's one magnificent hat. The effect is dampened somewhat when you realize that you can see his hair through it, and that he has the exact same haircut as one of the Three Stooges. But still. It's so sleek. I bet it picks up satellite radio signals. And it toasts an English muffin to perfection. It looks like Darth Vader's spaceship. Only cooler. AND, if you look at it just right, pretending the spot where Maxiumus' face pokes through is a mouth, and the three holes just above that are two eyes and a nose? It looks like the head of Ultron's dog.

But nothing -- and I do mean nothing -- can eclipse the sheer grandeur of this hat:

dear god

Dear sweet Lord in Heaven above! It's glorious! I think I could live quite comfortably inside Maximus' hat. In fact, I think I ought to start a charity, building replicas of it for low-income families. "Maxiumus' Hat For Humanity." It would help make up a little for all the times Maximus has tried to eradicate all mankind (and he's tried it a lot.)

Fun fact: on Orando this is considered a "beanie."


Anonymous said...

Heh heh. Maximus' hat for Humanity.

Looking at the shoulder pauldrons in that last pic, I'm thinking that Typhoid Mary's problem wasn't her shoulder pads per se so much as that she didn't commit to the look like Maxie does here.

Taken alone his shoulders are at least as ridiculous as hers, but as part of his ensemble they just peg the fabulous. It just screams "bow down before me, son of our jailer!", don't you think?

cozmic said...

You gotta give Maxie props. He may be bent on worldwide destruction but he takes the time to do it while lookin' styling.

Has Darkseid ever worn anything other than that tired leather miniskirt? Can Dr. Doom ever give up his green sun dress? Wait a minute. What is it with evil wearing a skirts?

The point is Maimux cares about fashion just as much as he cares about killing his family and every last human on Earth.

Jeremy Rizza said...

Chawunky: a hearty HAW! to you about the shoulder pads. If I had written that comic, the next panel after that one would show an aluminum awning salesman counting a big stack of money. And in the panel after that, he's crushed by a meteor.

Cozmic: Why does evil wear a skirt? Because they're even more freeing than boxers.

Scipio said...

"Maximus, relax; it's Palmolive."

Do you have any idea what church Maximus belongs to?

I simply MUST be there on Easter...

Anonymous said...

Heh. Much obliged, m'sieur.

Jeremy Rizza said...

Scipio, I can't remember the exact name of Maximus' church... it's "something something the Annihlation of All Humankind." But I am certain that their annual "living Nativity" is performed right inside his hat. I've seen pictures; it's postively inspirational.