Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Unisex Hair Salon... OF DEATH!

Just a little off the top

"Now let's even up those bangs!" the stylist shrieked, his arms flailing wildly.

Today's subject was chosen in honor of the scary-thin fifty-something stylist who kept insisting my hair was filthy in spite of the fact that I'd washed it mere hours earlier. The woman was obviously in her late middle-age but she dressed like one of the Duff sisters, and while she rinsed my hair she kept exclaiming, "Yucky!" Okay, bitch, first off? I ain't paying you for "yucky." And secondly? After you pull that kind of crap? Then HELL NO, I'm not going to buy any Paul Mitchell shampoo from you.

So here's a startling doppelganger of the stylist I encountered yesterday: forgotten Batman villain, the Dodo Man (from Batman #303, September 1978). The Dodo Man is a thief who specializes in taxidermied dodo birds and dodo bird-related items. It's unclear in this story whether the Dodo Man normally looks like this or whether it's his fiendish disguise to blend into one of the museum's exhibits (When Peter Boyle Ruled The Earth). However, the fact that his idea of "blending in" consisted of hiding under a blanket makes me think that YES, the Dodo Man really is a remarkably toned nonagenarian with a bad dye job. Still, the fight scene lasts all of one-and-a-third pages. Because he's fighting Batman.

I think what we can learn from the Dodo Man is that even with a boring brown unitard, you can still make a memorable impession by styling your hair in a spectacularly age-inappropriate manner. Nice save, Dodo Man!


Scipio said...

"The Dodo Man is a thief who specializes in taxidermied dodo birds and dodo bird-related items."

That's one of the most beautiful sentences I've ever read.

Jeremy Rizza said...

I thought you might like this guy, Scipio! I bet he sits next to Joe Coyne at their OCD therapy group.