Tuesday, June 20, 2006

The Asgardian Hillbilly!

Fashion in Asgard is anything but subtle. And Asgard's ruler, Odin, is probably the flashiest dresser of them all! The above image doesn't really do him justice, but it's from one of the few comics Jeremy owns with Odin in it. Still, I clearly remember some Jack Kirby panels that showed the Big Pimpin' All-Father sprawled on his throne with a godly grimace on his whiskery puss as he was slowly crushed to death beneath a massive helmet that looked like a wedding cake crossed with a jet engine. I puzzled over how Odin might dress when he wanted to relax. Three-foot-tall platform moccasins, perhaps? Or a terrycloth robe with a twenty-foot train and a big finned collar? I honestly couldn't picture it. So, you can imagine my surprise when I thumbed through Jeremy's copy of "Die Spinne" #23, a collection of Marvel reprints published by der Condor-Verlagsgruppe in Germany back in the 80's. I don't know why Jeremy even has this comic, considering he doesn't speak German, the ignorant American pig. Okay, I can't speak it either but I'm from the future where the only languages are English and Interlac (which is just English with a cooler font) so I have an excuse and Jeremy doesn't, so there. Anyway, the back-up to this Teutonic "Amazing Spider-Man" reprint was a partial reprinting of "Thor" #236. And there to my wondering eyes was Odin himself, looking remarkably like... "The Dukes Of Hazzard's" Denver Pyle.

And in this corner, facing off against Triple H, it's Man-Mountain Grampa! I have to say, overalls are probably the best bet for Odin. Lord only knows how his vaunted Odinpower would have wreaked havoc on a belt. The pipe is a nice touch. It makes him look like Santa Claus -- a Santa Claus with a serious pituitary defect, but still--! So it's a very accessible look. Very approachable. I want to climb on his lap and tell him all my wishes! Of course, there is such a thing as "too approachable" but Odin knows how to handle the touchy-feely types.

Kick their asses, Santa! You may have noticed that Odin has used his special power of changing an assailant's race -- just by touching them! This insures that his attacker will face a stiffer sentence for the exact same crime. Odin's no fool. But the best part is, he barely looks put out by all those redneck idiots swarming all over him. I don't think he's even paying attention to the matter at hand. I wonder what he's thinkin' about.

Probably biscuits 'n' gravy.


Steven said...

See, in his god-like wisdom, erm, god wisdom, Odin doesn't do anything half-way. If he's going pimping, he's going BIG pimping. And if he's going casual, he's going EXTRAORDINARILY casual.

But that race changing power? That's just cold. Finian's Rainbow cold.

Also, does the design of the new Black Condor look... familiar to you? I mean, he doesn't have the flint-locks, but still.

Anonymous said...

That race-changing power you joked about...very clever. And cold, I agree. But also amusing.

Blockade Boy said...

Thanks, Anonymous! And Steven, thanks for the heads-up. I'm contacting my lawyers even as we speak! Of course, the new guy's still holding his cape out like he's Martha Graham or something, but it's awfully suspicious. As for the haircut, well, he'd better be Native American (as I suspect he might be) so it can be pawned off as a traditional style. Because otherwise we're looking at Nuklon 2.0.

Scipio said...

"You may have noticed that Odin has used his special power of changing an assailant's race -- just by touching them! This insures that his attacker will face a stiffer sentence for the exact same crime."

You are KILLING me!

BB, you totally deserve an HBO special.

Chawunky said...

I had a bad moment when I saw the caption box that begins "Besonders der stammige..." and I thought it said "Beyonder". Jibblies.