Saturday, July 08, 2006

Rescue Me: Turner D. Century

Yipes! I'm late with the post! But I still posted. Because I love you guys. For what it's worth, tonight the Rizza apartment was in quite the uproar. I had to spend hours calming Jeremy down after the vet told him his oldest, fattest cat had a yeast infection. And that he'd have to apply medicine to it every day for the next ten days. What Jeremy was too busy hysterically sobbing to understand is that the infection is in the cat's ears. Anyway, my method of calming him down involved a lot of pimp-slapping and screaming "stop it" but I think I finally got through to him. I'm typing this while he tries to get the swelling in his cheeks to go down.

Okay, let's get this party started.

Many years ago, Marvel's editors -- er, I mean "Scourge" -- killed off a whole slew of their lamer villains. I think these bad guys would have been more popular and therefore still alive if only they'd dressed better. So starting with this post and continuing sporadically in the future I'm personally redesigning the outfits of every villain Scourge ever killed! Even if it was revealed later that the villain survived, which undoubtedly happened in a case or two, this being comics. Just because I'm so gosh-darned thorough. Now, if I was Bizarro Blockade Boy (who turns into a solid steel welcome mat) I'd use my time bubble and actually give these new costumes to the villains themselves, causing the fanboys to adore them and sparing them from Scourge's wrath. But I'm not that guy so I'll just settle for theorizing.



Say, here's one of Scourge's victims, right now! Isn't that handy? Say hello to one of comic blogdom's favorite whipping boys: Turner D. Century! I have an irrational fondness for Turner. It's probably the handlebar mustache. And the name, with its lip-smackingly delicious pun. But in all other respects he sucks hickory-smoked donkey balls. The suit, the flying bicycle, the rip-off Penguin umbrella, and above all his personality, which makes him essentially Super Bill O'Reilly minus the dirty phone calls. Turner needs a makeover, like, yesterday. Because he's dead!

My idea? Ditch the barbershop quartet outfit and get him something like you'd see on the cover of a circa-1900 science fiction dime novel (ex. "Pluck & Luck").



Here's Turner, in my idea of a Victorian idea of a space suit. Which would look something like a diving suit. Rugged, huh? Slung over his back is his gold-plated Electric Blunderbuss, which packs quite the whallop! His helmet (on the ground next to him) I designed to give him an eerie, inhuman appearance. So the lenses are on the sides, like Black Manta. How does he see out of it? By a series of mirrors, like a periscope. (Of course.) I think Turner would have worked well as a Jules Verne type of villain, raiding the outside world in some sort of strange, majestic airship, and taking his plunder to a high-tech Victorian Utopia on an uncharted island. And of course he'd have henchmen. (Another job for Lenny!) With these enhancements, he'd be a fine villain for Iron Man or Captain America. Just for starters!

I won't be redesigning Scourge's victims in any particular order, so if you have any favorites just let me know and I'll work on those first.

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

Simply capital, old brick. I can really see him doing that throaty cough/burble/throat-clearing thing portly Victorian gentlemen do, as showcased by John Lennon in "You Know My Name (Look Up the Number)".

Bonus points for the meerschaum, though I can't decide if it should simply be a fine pipe, or a last-ditch trick once he's been beaten:

"So! You have unmasked me, sir! Good show! (Puffs pipe) I bow to the better man--namely, ME!" (Smoke spits violently from pipe, confusing captors and cloaking Century's escape)...

But of course, it can be both.

Anonymous said...

I thought it was a waste Turner wasn't an Iron-man villain since I first heard of him.
it's the future versus the past, it's a classic.
the suit you gave him would have made him a perfect, although I disagree about the lenses on the sides for the helmet.

Phillip said...

Stupendous, man! Absolutely ace! He's all of a sudden legit!

I gotta ask, BB, what happened to your illustrations? I like this one, but compared to your earlier stuff (Red Bee & Miss America come to mind) your drawings lately seem a little... sketchy? I musta miss some type of Crisis in the world of Blockade Boy! "And Nothing Will Ever Be The Same Again!"

Anonymous said...

Great job! Yeah, that's a Turner D. Century I could support. I like the idea of him fighting Iron Man. Or how about being frozen in suspended animation, and then fighting the Guardians of the Galaxy, or Spider-Man 2099?

I look forward to your reinterpretations of Scourge victims! I would love to see new versions of the following:

Hijacker
Blue Streak (His look just prior to being pum-spakked was actually pretty awesome, I'd be interested to see what you do with it)
Death Adder*
Wraith
Melter*
Titania
Fly*
Hammer and Anvil*
Vamp*
Cyclone*
Mirage*
Megatak*

I put stars next to the ones I'd really, really like to see.

Thanks!

Jeremy Rizza said...

Chawunky: Haw! Damn skippy the pipe could be used both ways! Awesome!

Anonymous: Thanks, and I'm not totally happy with how the helmet turned out either. I guess I was just trying to figure out some way for it to not look like either a regular diving helmet or some kind of face. And if I'd put the bug-eye lenses on the front he'd have resembled Starfinger. (Ew.)

Phillip: Thanks! My artwork looks less slick than before because I can't afford to get Illustrator for the PC for quite a while. I'm doing everything in watercolor pencil (after trying regular colored pencil which looked AWFUL).

Anonymous: Cool ideas! I toyed with the idea of him being a reverse-Kang, stealing tech from the present and then using it to rule a weird alternate-universe 1900. And you'll see some of your favorite Scourge victims this week!

Anonymous said...

I like the lenses on the side. Anyway, it seems to be the least worst solution as the little porthole in front is irredemably dorky. Maybe I'd give him an alternate helmet with a monster-head shape to frighten the superstitious natives.

I prefer the watercolor pencils to Illustrator. The old colors looked a bit garish to my eye.

As for Scourge victims, I'd like to see you try your hand at Basilisk.

Anonymous said...

Howsabout Birdman, of the Ani-Men fame? He and his cronies never get no love.

(You just have to promise to leave those awesome antennae!)

Anonymous said...

As a fan of Turner D. Century, I'd just like you to know that my first reaction to this was, "Oh, that's [i]cool[/i]!" I don't think he needs the helmet, though. A simple bubble would suffice, if anything; he just looks too cool without it. Handlebar mustaches should be easily viewed, better to be admired by all.