Tuesday, May 29, 2007

I Hate Theme Weddings


"Jesus!" Chad thought. "My only reason for even suggesting a Tarzan-themed wedding was to get Jennifer to finally take her top off... but then she had to turn into a complete chickenshit at the last minute. Like always. Where'd she get that white tarp, anyway? You can't even see her knees! God only knows what she brought for our honeymoon tonight. Probably a jogging suit. Balls. Meanwhile, I'm left standing here like a jerkoff with a synthetic loincloth on. Damn thing itches like crazy. And I think the trained chimp we hired to be a flowergirl peed on it. Like, a minute ago.

Hell, I bet the only person more ticked about how they're dressed for this wedding is Jennifer's maid of honor, LeVonna."

Update: I'm now 99.99% sure I'll be able to post with laxative-like regularity for the rest of this week. Just don't expect any new artwork until early next week. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go supervise Tusker's gold tooth implantation procedure. (I've been trying to talk him into replacing one of his hands with a hook or perhaps a giant corkscrew, but he just won't go for it.)


Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

Ah theme weddings. My wife and I had a theme wedding -- that is if you count being 8 months pregnant a theme.

Johnathan said...

Concerning the Tusker: with his tendency toward getting caught up on things with his tusks I don't know if a hook would be the best idea. You'd be likely to come back from your next raid to find him dangling by one arm from some cables in the airlock or something like that.

MaGnUs said...

I had Star Wars music when we walked up the aisle after the ceremony at church... does that count?

Who's "Tarzan's" best man, a doorman?

Blockade Boy said...

Jon: It is nowadays.

Jonathan: Good point.

MaGnUs: He's Sergeant Pepper, of "Lonely Hearts Club Band" fame.

MaGnUs said...

Of course!

Bully said...

Isn't that Andie MacDowell's "Bo Peep" wedding dress from Four Weddings and a Funeral?

Blockade Boy said...

Well, it does have "leg o' mutton sleeves".