Friday, June 01, 2007

Amateur Photographer Discovers New Type of Zebra Mussel


(From "The Riverdale Shopper-Democrat", June 1, 2007)

Local teen and self-described "sex magnet" Archibald Andrews has provided the Riverdale Zoological Society with photographic proof of a new strain of zebra mussel. Dubbed Dreissena Veronica, the bivalve can be found in large bodies of water, mostly aboard yachts. Unlike its famous cousins, the Dreissena Veronica mussel has a vaguely humanoid appearance and is capable of walking on land, flirting, scheming, and making catty remarks. As of press time, only one specimen of this new mussel has been spotted. However, some scientists advise citizens to be vigilant. According to Dr. Dilton Doily, a Ph.D. and Hall Monitor, should the Veronica mussel go unchecked, "the town's banks could be sucked dry!"


Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

I wish I got paid to look at girls all day. I just get paid to bust heads and break hearts.

And business is good.

jayunderscorezero said...

Some things should just never ve viewed from an adult perspective. Looking at this cover with a more adult sensibility robs some of the fun and adds a really creepy element. I mean, 'where else can I get paid to ogle girls all day'? Ick!

word verification: failxox; seriously

Johnathan said...

I have a challenge for you, Blockade Boy. Make failed Legion applicants Crystal Kid, Lamprey and Nightwind look good. Or at least better. It's actually not a very hard challenge, because they're so awful - I just hate looking at them so much. Bonus points if one of them ends up in something that looks like Betty's outfit.

word verification: pzuzsgz. Internet slang describing the physical leavings resulting from a romantic encounter with the demon Pazuzu.

Blockade Boy said...

Jonathan: Aw, I actually kind of liked the way those three looked when they first appeared. Remember Goth Crystal Kid? Hell of a lot better than the doofus with the white satin shirt and the plexiglass hair. Still, I'll see what I can do.

Johnathan said...

Yeah, I've recently become aware that they've had more appearances than I'd thought.

Problem is I'm reading my way through Legion continuity. There's a chunk of time between Rovin and my teenage comic-reading where I know nothing about the activities of the Legion. That I have more of these dorks to look forward to... yeesh. Their new costumes must be pretty bad for the old ones to look good, that's all I'm saying.

Blockade Boy said...

Crystal Kid a la Giffen is a frightening thing to behold. You've been warned.