Friday, June 01, 2007
Amateur Photographer Discovers New Type of Zebra Mussel
Local teen and self-described "sex magnet" Archibald Andrews has provided the Riverdale Zoological Society with photographic proof of a new strain of zebra mussel. Dubbed Dreissena Veronica, the bivalve can be found in large bodies of water, mostly aboard yachts. Unlike its famous cousins, the Dreissena Veronica mussel has a vaguely humanoid appearance and is capable of walking on land, flirting, scheming, and making catty remarks. As of press time, only one specimen of this new mussel has been spotted. However, some scientists advise citizens to be vigilant. According to Dr. Dilton Doily, a Ph.D. and Hall Monitor, should the Veronica mussel go unchecked, "the town's banks could be sucked dry!"