Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Hover For What You Believe In With The Angel Squad!

knock-kneed eunuchs
From the government that brought you the Marine Corps comes the next big idea in gay-friendly law enforcement! Introducing the "Angel Squad!" The Angel Squad is looking for slim-waisted young men to float gently about on individual hover-platforms while wearing designer jumpsuits and carrying what appear to be gym bags with bazookas sticking out of them! And you don't even have to be gay! (Although it sure helps.) We're targeting a wide array of people!

Are you a neatfreak germaphobe? The Angel Squad gas mask recycles air directly from your own lungs for maximum purity!

Are you knock-kneed or pigeon toed? No problem, because a design flaw in the hover-platform forces you to stand like that anyway!

Do you have puny, sloping shoulders like Clive Owen? I mean, don't get me wrong, I think Owen is kinda sexy and all, but did you see him with his shirt off in "Gosford Park?" It was truly disturbing! Put a coat on, Clive! Cover your shame! But I digress! To continue, the Angel Squad uniform disguises your fatal figure flaw with a puffy top made of drip-dry Beyonderalyne! And the hover-platform is designed to make your shoulders look perfectly ginormous!

Do you have a smooth, frictionless crotch? Well, to be brutally frank, we'd rather you didn't but we can't afford to be choosy right now so we'll take you anyway. If you insist.

Are you looking for romance? You just may find it in the Angel Squad!

you confirm me

So go to your local recruiting office today. A world of adventure, fashion and individual hovering awaits you in the Angel Squad!

(Disclaimer: you may occasionally be called upon to battle Godzilla.)



Marc Burkhardt said...

Maybe the name "Angel Squad" is a reference to the results of taking on the Big G.

Anonymous said...

If you ever go to Italy, one of the things you may notice is that the cops are complete uniform queens. They seem to have a thousand different outfits, and they're all designed Dolce & Gabbana and Armani. Well, don't yield, young Americans, because they've got nothing on SHIELD!

That is one well-oiled machine of American manhood right there. It takes a special kind of gay, devil-may-care, young blade to float around in a Segway Mk.2 with a big "L" literally plastered across your forehead, occasionally taking the back of Godzilla's pimp hand.

BB, thanks to you I can't look at that last panel without hearing this chorus of really girly screams from the Angel Squad in my head.

Anonymous said...

Godzilla's just taking out his frustrations on the squad because he washed out of their training program, on account of being approximately 50 times too big for the hover platform.

Not that he should have been accepted in the first place. slim-waisted, recruiters!

Jeremy Rizza said...

Fortress Keeper: For a second there, I thought you meant the other "Big G." (No, not Gamera.)

Constantine: That's really interesting about the Italian uniforms. And a big HAW! to you about the girly screams. (Now I can't look at that panel without hearing them!)

Chawunky: I'm not sure how Godzilla gained membership in the Angel Squad. I suspect there may have been some kind of pay-off involved.

Scipio said...

This may made laugh so hard the dog howled.

"slim-waisted young men to float gently about on individual hover-platforms while wearing designer jumpsuits and carrying what appear to be gym bags with bazookas sticking out of them"

Huh. If we blink over the "slim" and "young" parts, I already match that description...