Yeah, I'm pretty sure somebody gave me a candy heart with that written on it. Probably from Storm Boy, after we made out that one time and then I made fun of his dorky glasses. "But I designed them myself!" he told me. What the hell ever, Storm Boy.
Annnyway, the image above is a great profile view of the most noble, pure-hearted mullet haircut ever to exist, and of its owner, Longshot (from "Longshot" #6, Marvel, February 1986.) Longshot only has four digits on each hand and his skin has the texture of leather (if his girlfriend is to be believed) but his most deformed feature is that haircut.
Haircuts can go out of style with astounding speed, so even if a superhero's costume is timeless, he or she might still be seen parading around with last decade's coiffure. And the mullet? Back in 1986, everybody and his brother had one of these numbers. Including, I might add, Jeremy Rizza (snicker). But soon enough the mullet moved out of the world of high fashion and into a nebulous redneck timewarp where a man can have the same haircut for two decades or more. And then he passes said haircut onto his own sons. And so on. And then the mullet haircut somehow materializes on their family crest.
It's a real shame, too, because the mullet is truly one of the most unfortunate hairstyles ever to be invented. Right down there with the "rat tail." (Rizza had one of those, too! Haw! What a jerk!) "Business up front, party out back?" Sure, if the business is selling shrunken apple-head dolls from a folding table on the side of Highway 50. And if the party is taking place in an abandoned tool shed, and it gets busted by the FBI because the deejay is a meth dealer.
And here's the kicker: Longshot not only has an ugly, wretchedly out-of-date hairstyle, but it's implied in his miniseries that his hair just naturally kind of grows that way. So he's screwed.
Naw, I'm sure he could get a better haircut if he wanted. I'm sure he's just way too busy fighting evil right now. See, Longshot? I was just givin' ya guff back there. It's what guys do to each other. (Well, it's one of the things guys do to each other. Heh.) So what do you say? Friends?
Criminy, what a drama queen!
8 comments:
And not just a mullet, but the particularly egregious Kajagoogoo subvariant:
Too Shy Shy
Lord a'mercy.
Thanks for the link, Chawunky. That's like a bad hair Mount Rushmore. (In other words, it's like Mount Rushmore.)
let's not forget Superman's mullet. Ten years later than Longshot's, too. Not the quickest fashion-plate off the block, our Kal-el. He even wore it in a ponytail when he was Clark Kent.
No sweat. I forget to mention that the title of this post amused.
Turning back to Mount Kajagoogoo, it's worth noting the the blond guy on the lower right is actually sporting the same hairstyle as Captain U.K.of Earth-238! (at least in the black and white images...)
Adam: Sweet sassy molassy! That was a golden era, huh? I see he's standing next to John Byrne's "nurse hat tiara" design of Wonder Woman. I'm no fan of Howard Porter, but the poor shmoe sure had to draw a lot of other people's ugly character designs in JLA. Mullet Superman, Electric Slide Superman, Hook Hand Aquaman, Crabclaw Mask Kyle Rayner...
Chawunky: Ah, the rare subspecies of femullet. Invisible Woman had one of those too, back in the day. Sadly, it was one of her more flattering hairstyles.
What were they thinking with that style for Supes, really? What are they ever thinking?
Oh, off-topic: If you ever take requests, Blockade Boy, I'd like to see you confront the X-Women of the '80s and their tendency to dress like Nagel prints: You know, the big shoulders, baggy boots with stiletto heels, all that.
Cheerio!
Personally, I think Longshot would look better with a pair of shades singing about how he wears his sunglasses at night so he can, so he can, keep track of the visions in his eyes than hanging with Kajagoogoo, but that's just me.
Cawunky: great idea! John Romita, Jr. and Mark Silvestri have a lot to answer for.
Crowdedhouse: Agreed. Nobody looks good hanging with Kajagoogoo... especially the people in the band itself!
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