Thursday, November 30, 2006

Tweed Christmas!

blockadesantahead Yesterday, we looked at some of the gorgeous gowns from "Power Man & Iron Fist." Today it's the men's turn. Sure, we all know that the title characters' costumes look like finale outfits from "Dancing With The Stars." But what else do they like to wear?


Magnum, T.M.I.! Why, I'm enjoying watching you enjoying listening to Iron Fist enjoying himself, Power Man! I suppose the Hawaiian shirt looks okay, but to be honest I'm having trouble tearing my eyes away from his forearms. *Rrrowr!* The glasses add a hint of vulnerability. Although he'd look even more vulnerable if they were hornrims with tape on the bridge. And maybe the Hawaiian shirt should have a pocket protector. Still, well played, Power Man.


Uh-oh! Looks like some of these hooligans might have a little trouble Stayin' Alive! Iron Fist was just trying to drink A Fifth Of Beethoven but then some Jive Talkin' troublemaker had to go and ruin his good time. So Iron Fist put on his Boogie Shoes and Open Sesame! He goes all Calypso Breakdown on their asses.

...Sorry about that, but I didn't know any good Fantasy Island references.


Here, actor Bob "Dustin" Diamond gets his red-spandexed tail kicked by Colleen "Sometimes I Worry My Sleeves Aren't Voluminous Enough" Wing. Y'know, I want to like Bob, what with the sweet jade "tiger's foot" pendant and the lucious blonde VanDyke. The latter being kind of daring for 1981 -- I mean, who still wore a VanDyke back then? French Ambassadors and NASA technicians, that's who! In other words, LOSERS! So kudos for still rockin' it, Bob! Sadly, when those little touches are combined with the score from your hideous scarlet karate costume, you still end up with a negative total. My solution? Shirtlessness! (Of course, my solution is usually shirtlessness.)


As we've seen, the clothing budget for "Power Man & Iron Fist" is quite extravagant. In fact, they spent so much time and money on the fashions, the supporting cast was kind of hastily cobbled together. Case in point: these two guys. Toby is blind "but he sees more than most people." Oh, so he's like Daredevil. Got it. Toby also appears to be a shabbily-dressed jazz musician. Apparently his playing sucks. Honestly, why couldn't he have been a successful, well-dressed jazz musician? Would that have killed anybody? And then there's the weasel-faced hippie on the right, David Griffith. Nickname: "D.W." (Really? You want to go there, writers? Yikes.) Looks like Kamandi is all growed up! His clothes aren't worth my attention but I did notice something interesting. David is insanely muscular for a hippie film student from 1981. I presume that's because it's a comic book. Check out any TV show or movie from back then. Muscular guys were few and far between, and they were usually athletes or hired goons. Your typical 1981 protagonist had spindly little arms, sloped shoulders, and a belly like a pregnant lady in her second trimester. And a perm! But I digress. In real life, almost nobody from 1981 was in shape! Not even in the fantasy worlds created by Hollywood. But look in any comic book and every background character is built like Captain America. It is a puzzlement.


Excellent three-piece suit, D.A. Hao! Those things always make a man look like a million bucks. The only thing that would make him look better? Shirtlessness! (You knew that one was coming, right? No? C'mon, keep up!) Lieutenant Scarfe, however... wow. What is that outfit, a salute to the Mexican flag? Was this picture taken at the precinct Christmas party? Does the Lieutenant suffer from red-green color blindness and it all looked gray to him? And what's with the half-melted happy face button? What's that, you say? It's a badge? Yeah, I'm not buyin' it. And why is his hair bright blue? What is he smoking? What kind of crazy freaked-out universe did I wind up in? WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?!


Anonymous said...

Blockade Boy, this is hilarious as always. Where else could I go to see Iron Fist preparing to tear apart a saloon while dressed in a leisure suit, cracks about Colleen Wing's sleeves (Seriously, she could hide the whole Power Pack in those sleeves!), understandable astonishment at depictions of men in bright red vests and green pants, and the great quote as follows: "No one was in shape in 1981." Totally sweet!

Anonymous said...

I think Iron Fist is about to send those punks to a "Night on Disco Mountain".

When they wake up in the hospital, they're going to feel like they're in a "Disco Inferno".

Meanwhile, Iron Fist will discover Misty Knight has a bionic arm and will proclaim she's "More Than a Woman".

Okay, I give up, you took all the good ones already. That's why you're the blogger, not me.

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

Only three kinds of people can get away with wearing Hawaiian shirts, gay guys, big fat party animals, and Luke Cage.

Anonymous said...

That guy in the background trying to "Chair" Chez Le Fist had better have his Love Insurance paid up!

Hey, BB, have you seen the mini-redesign they did for IF in his new comic? The artist draws him as more of a lanky drink of water than the standard Spidey/DD Marvel bantamweight and I like that. But they gave him full leggings. It seems like we live in a world where not one person in 300 can really rock capri pants, and since Danny has the legs for it, I think he should be encouraged.
Also, they took away his pixie boots and gave him ninja boots. What, are pixie boots not macho enough? Dick Grayson wore pixie boots for years and nothing is butcher than 40's-50's era Batman and Robin!

Pope Impious XXIII said...

Hmm.. It seems to me that Iron Man accidentally borrowed his outfit from Ted Striker's flashback scene in Airplane, complete with the dirty violent bar.

He never did get over Macho Grande..

Anonymous said...

As a partial red-green colorblind person myself, I can say this: In a dim closet early in the morning, you could probably convince us that the pants were an odd shade of brown. But that vest is a shade of red that even I can see. That guy looks like a Walmart greeter, no way around it.

Anonymous said...

"And why is his hair bright blue?"

He's obviously a young Chief Wiggum.