Friday, December 01, 2006

Legion Of Substitute Costumes: Polar Boy

blockadesantahead Brek "Polar Boy" Bannin didn't try out for the Legion of Super-Heroes on a whim. He was serious about joining, and he should have been a shoo-in. After all, his power of projecting super-cold was no less practical than the ability to project super-heat (Sun Boy), super-gravity (Star Boy) or super-weightlessness (Light Lass). And it's not like he couldn't control his powers (which is what sinks your typical Legion applicant)...

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...which is what makes his rejection seem so cruel.

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"So scram, Pee-wee!" This is exhibit "A" for my theory that the Legion is a bunch of clicque-y "cool kids" who use their try-outs to humiliate all the poindexters and wannabes. Er, not that I ever tried out myself, mind you. I'm too cool for that! (Ironic, no?)

Maybe the Legion would have cut him a break if he hadn't been a shrimpy kid in a stupid hat. Well, I can't help him with the "shrimpy" part but I bet I could devise a hipper costume for the determined l'il fella! Let's see... first we'll have to lose that hat... maybe brighten up the color scheme a bit... ditch the icicle motif... in fact, you know what? I'll even model it for you all! Why not? After all, both Brek and I have white hair (now). I'll have to shave my biker' stache, of course. But don't worry, I'll just grow it back and then use my time bubble to travel back to tomorrow so it'll be like nothing happened. Ready? *cues up techno music*

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*struts into your home or office and strikes various "sexful" poses for a full minute in front of your desk or couch*

Who says super-folk with ice powers have to wear blue? Not me! I designed this look around a snowflake symbol, with a tantalizing cut-out on the chest... but see, the nipples are covered! I can be conservative! The only part where I used fur was the gloves. I think fur always contrasts nicely with geometric lines. To provide balance with the fur texture, I went with a bushy surfer haircut, which also looks kind of Scandanavian to me, so... bonus!

10 comments:

Anonymous said...

Man, it's REALLY got to sting when the Legion rejects you and one of the members of the panel of judges was freakin' BOUNCING BOY. I'm surprised Polar Boy didn't go postal on them and turn their headquarters into a glacier.

What's cool is PB did eventually get into Legion, presumably after Wildfire became the leader and he was reviewing the team's powers:

Wildfire: "Hmm, we're a pretty powerful crew, aren't we? We've got me, who projects energy, then you're got people who control heat and light, shoot lightning, manipulate gravity and magnetism, transform elements, do freaky things with sound, a telepath, a girl who turns intangible, a shape-shifter, a girl who can see the future, a guy who can grow 100 feet tall, plus Mon-El and Ultra Boy, our two 'Swiss army knife' members. Man, we rock! All we need is a guy who can control ice and cold, and I think we have all the bases covered! Sun Boy, do we know anyone like that we could invite to join us?"

Sun Boy: "Uh, well, there was this dude named Polar Boy who tried to join a long time ago, but we ended up rejecting him..."

Wildfire: "What? Why? Were his powers uncontrollable? Did he smell?"

Sun Boy: "No, um, I told him we rejected him 'cuz his powers could disable us at a critical moment..."

Wildfire: "...I'm sorry? You told him WHAT? That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard, and I know Cosmic Boy, so that's saying a lot. What were you thinking, man? Has solar radiation killed off your brain cells? We've got a guy who inflates like a beach ball and bounces himself around, but no ice guy? WHERE ARE YOUR PRIORITIES, FOOL?"

Sun Boy: "Uhhhhh..."

Wildfire: "Bring me the @#$% rolodex, moron. I'll give the poor kid a call. Idiot. 'Disable us at a critical moment', my non-corporeal @$#. Maybe when we're on a mission on a distant planet, I'll disable YOUR @#$. Why are you still standing there, dolt? BRING ME THE ROLODEX!!!!!!!!!!"

Anyway, that's how I see it going down. Oh, and PB also lost the silly fur hat when he joined back up. Apparently he got a little fashion advice while he was away.

Nice costume redesign, though. I like the 'snowflake' design, a nice change from the 'icicle' motif that every other ice-themed character has. Seriously, is there ANY ice-themed character who doesn't use the icicle motif? Or doesn't have a costume colored blue?

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

lol.

Are there Rolodexes in the future?

And BB, nice design.

Scipio said...

Wait ... you put Polar Boy in a strapless?!

ABS said...

Wait, what? What do you mean it's not blue? Of course it is, plain as day!

Stupid partial red-green color-blindness. Stupid purple, which I have never in my life seen. It is purple, right?

Unseeable colors aside, nice design.

Chawunky said...

Bold. Distinctive. Memorable.

In short, I like it.

And the stated reason for rejecting Polar Boy has got to be the lamest in the history of lame.

I mean, was this before or after the rampage of homicidal Computos that sprang from Brainiac 5's fevered genius? When one of said Computos turned Triplicate Girl into Duo Damsel, did that or did that not constitute "disabling?"

Hopefully the first poster's dialogue is a verbatim transcript of how PB's admission happened. Sheesh.

Blockade Boy said...

Anonymous: That was brilliant. And thanks!

Jon: There are indeed Rolodexes in the future, if you're referring to the alien species of tractor-treaded dwarves with goat heads. Er, that is what you meant, right?

Scipio: Yes, I did indeed design what may very well be the first ever "Daisy Mae" superhero costume (for men -- Talisman from "Alpha Flight" got a jump on me in the women's wear department). But really, with shoulders like mine I'd be doing the world a disservice if I didn't show them off now and again. Oh, and Brek's frame is well-proportioned, too, if a bit on the small side. He'll grow into it.

Abs: Yes, it is purple! How did you know that? It's like colorblind ESP. And thanks!

Chawunky: Thanks, pal!

Gloria said...

My... What a cool re-design, which is appropiate.
The hair reminds me of Balder the Brave (Glorious Simonson Era) for whom I've always retained a special fondness. But then the word, as you put it, is "swedish": there's something so ABBA-like about that hair... Now wait! ABBA records were released by "Polar": Did Brek had a part-time job in the pop-music industry?

Chawunky said...

If not he then his ancestor surely did, Gloria.

I'm suddenly wondering if Polar Boy was the victim of unfortunate associations in the LSH elites' minds. See, maybe they were reminded of the debacle when they admitted Puller Boy, with all the jealousy and recriminations and what all...and PB had a emotional bias against him going in...wait, where am I going with this?

ABS said...

I can see blue just fine. But my colorblindness washes the red right out of purple. So if I see blue, but someone says it's not blue, it must be purple.

MaGnUs said...

Scandinavian=AHA? In that case, yes. And is Tharr's sun red?