Thursday, January 04, 2007

Saddle Eyesore

bbwhitestachehead In "Marvel Team-Up" #97 (September 1980) Spider-Woman blows into New Mexico, all gussied-up in her tightest slacks and her loosest sleeves.


Yes, she'd sincerely wishes she could help stop the Hulk's destructive rampage. If only she was some sort of superhero! Ah, well. Maybe Paladin or Devil-Slayer is available.

I know, I know. I'm being unfair to Spider-Woman (and Paladin and Devil-Slayer). Why should she drop everything to chase after the unstoppable Hulk? She is technically on vacation. And she's not going to let anything ruin her one opportunity to visit the grave of the world's first astronaut chimp, in Alomogordo! She bought some candles and silk flowers just for the occasion, and she's going to make the daring simian's tomb look grander than Jim Morrison's!

Kidding. She's actually there to track down a criminal in her job as a bounty hunter. So of course she's not going to waste her time with the Hulk. That nonsense doesn't pay jack. Also, she'd have to pry herself out of those pants, and that takes a good three-and-a-half hours (and two economy-sized jars of Miracle Whip). Say, let's get a better look at her duds.


Ouch. It's not exactly Dale Evans, is it? It's not even Katherine Hepburn. Kate Jackson? Maybe. In other words, it's a mite mannish.

Yes, she's turning heads. Oh my yes. Sadly, they're the heads of potbellied gun nuts who are startled to realize they have those very same buckskin pants in their closets. And the matching vest! Maybe their eyes linger on the hot pink satchel, and they realize how fetching it looks with the tan leather and the cranberry plaid, and they wish they had the cajones to pull that kind of thing off. And they know in their heart of hearts they don't... not in public.

And then they run to the local Woolworths to search for a pink satchel.


Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

Is that Jonah Hex lookin' her over? Perhaps it is Jonah's fatter, uglier cousin.

1000Words said...

I weep at your genius! Keep up the good work!!

Unknown said...

Wow, Jessica Drew and Kate Jackson in one post.

Now I can die a happy man.

Anonymous said...

Man, the mug on the taupe buckaroo there makes Carmine Infantino bad guys look like Colleen Doran good guys.