Shams From a Marriage

In "Marvel Spotlight" #10, the Unipower imposes itself on twin sisters, who must track down both the masked crime boss "Nemesis" and one sister's kidnapped husband. Clare is a detective and your basic no-nonsense brawler, while Ann invests her superheroics with a decidedly domestic touch.

Hey, wait a minute! It's 1981 and somebody's exhaling on a fine, powdery substance? What is this, Bizarro World?

The last time I saw a man getting wheeled around on a dinner cart it was Element Lad's birthday supper. ("May I tempt you with a little dessert?" purred Invisible Kid. He was nude save for a big dollop of whipped cream covering his privates. But I said no, because my eyes were on Star Boy, who was digging beneath his collar to scratch at his ever-increasing thatch of chest hair. Mark my words, that fellow will be magnificently furry some day. I've often recommended he grow a beard. So far he's declined but I can tell he's considering it.)

Wow, an ass-vacuum! Who would opt for one of those messy enemas when they had one of these babies on hand? I could make a mint selling this device. Thanks for the idea, Mister Mantlo!

And now for the tear-soaked conclusion! On page three of this comic, Ann's hubby (District Attorney Edward Stanford) was pushed into a car by some wiseguys. When Edward demanded to know who was responsible for his kidnapping, one of the gangsters replied "...Our boss! He left instructions for us to pick you up if the trial went the wrong way!"

So you can imagine my surprise and consternation when the twins captured Nemesis and this happened:

"My Husband, My Enemy!" (Told you it was like a Lifetime movie!) And I love Edward's use of the word "snooping." Not exactly bad-ass lingo. Next he'll be bitching about "those meddling kids -- and that dog!"

Nice, clean dreams, dragged through the mud? How very Geoff Johnsian! Except the heroes don't feel personally defiled afterwards. On the last page, Clare tells Ann, "It can be a dirty world out there. I know, I wade through the filth every day. But I've learned one thing -- if you stay strong, you can keep yourself clean." The story ends with an empowering message.

Appropriately, the thought balloon about female strength seems to be emanating from Clare's crotch. It's the original Vagina Monologue!

And the very last panel? Pure Ditko.

"It could be you!" Yeah, just keep telling yourself that. And keep shouting "Shazam!" whenever you're alone.

You never know.