Friday, November 09, 2007

Basically Anything That Is Awesome


"Gotham City belongs to the Mutants!"

Wait, I'm thinking of that other big bald dude who slapped Batman around in a junkyard. But anyway, there it is, folks! PINK MUSCLE SHIRT! Although the ensemble, when taken as a whole, looks more like hospital scrubs. He's a disorderly orderly! No, Mister Wayne, you may not have an extra helping of Jell-O! *SLAP!* For realsies, guys! With the sleeves chopped off (to better showcase his "guns"), the Perfect Fighting Machine has the air of a Hulked-out "Dr. 90210." (Yes, Dr. 90210 = Bruce Banner, with surgically-enhanced dimples.)

But then I see the bare feet, and I wonder if the Perfect Fighting Machine going for a martial arts thing, instead. And his mom accidentally washed his karate pants in the same load as her red blouse. Now all the other kids at the dojo are gonna laugh at him! The big, dumb dope.


Wow. The Batman really needs to quit smoking.


Anonymous said...

As I look at this for the first time in years, if you were to give the story a new title that isn't every title for every Denny O'Neil story ever, I would have to guess it was a Bob Haney opening. There would be an entire army of Frankensteinian bald pink-belt and goggled karate drones throughout Eastern European cities intent on taking over the world.

I mean, merciless day? a mere five minutes of to-the-death fighting? It certainly sounds like Haney to me. All it needs is a new title. How about "Death Stalks the a Muumuu!"? Or did he already use that one? "Construction Site, Be My Salvation and My Valentine"?

And what the heck is the Perfect Fighting Machine(tm) doing exactly? Is it that game where you try to slap the tops of your friend's hands? Trying to open Batman's cape like curtains to sing Disney-like at the bright sunny--I mean merciless--morning?

Anonymous said...

That costume looks like one of those alternate outfits from Street Fighter II when both players want to play the same character.

In the story we had to call..

"If this be Player 2!"

Bob Besco said...

Hey! The perfect Fighting Machine is one of Happy Hogan's stages from his Ascent of Ultimo period.

Jeremy Rizza said...

Anonymous: That Haney story you describe sounds like it would be about a hundred times more entertaining.

David: Haw! Player 2 always gets the lamer outfit!

Byrneward: I had to Google that reference, but it was totally worth it. Thanks for bringing it up!

Stephen R. said...

Damn! Look at the feet!

Why do I suddenly feel like Madeline Kahn in YOUNG FRANKENSTEIN?

Wishful thinking...

Jeremy Rizza said...

Stephen: Big feet, and they're perfectly pedicured. Of course!