Thursday, November 08, 2007

He's Just Mad Because the Spray-Tan People Forgot to Do His Head Again

THE MEGA-POST IS DEAD! For a while, anyway, because I really need to spend more of my free time fending off total financial ruin. What does that mean for you, the Blog Consumer? Merely that I'll be approaching this crappy Denny O'Neil story from "Detective Comics" #480 (Nov./Dec. 1978) not in a couple of big, steaming chunks, but panel-by-panel... Gravity Girl-style! *pauses, waits for thunderous applause to die down* That's also the reason I took the "D-List Monsters of Super-Hero Land" thing off the title, because everybody, myself included, would've gotten sick of looking at it after its sixtieth installment, or whatever.* And for the morbidly curious, I'll occasionally post little tidbits about my own life. For instance, Storm Boy finally snagged himself a new boyfriend! I know; I can't believe it either. I still haven't laid eyes on the guy, so he might be fictional. I don't even know his name... Storm Boy only refers to him as "Ox." (Haw!) I may have to run a "background" check on the dude. Y'know. As a friend. I'll tell you more about the situation next week.

So... let's get this damn thing over with started! Yay!


Lookin' good, Hugo Strange! You been workin' out? ...Kidding. It's not Hugo Strange. I wish! Nope, this big dumb slob doesn't even get a name -- although Doctor Moon calls him a "gork", which is medical slang for a vegetable, and which allegedly stands for "God Only Really Knows." Nice, huh? And yes, I know I promised he'd be wearing a pink muscle shirt. And he does, in the actual story. But they couldn't put something like that on the cover. It wasn't 1985 yet. Remember 1985? That was the year when everybody wore pink muscle shirts! Everybody! Even the Reagan Administration! Even the Pope! See, the Perfect Fighting Machine was a trendsetter! Only he didn't realize it. 'Cause he was a gork.

Regarding Batman's tantalizing "dude in distress" pose... it's funny, but I have a similar sawhorse-type setup in my home. Only I make the guys scooch up a little, so it's centered more under their waists. Huh. Maybe Batman's just tuckered out, and slid down a tad. Did I travel to Gotham in 1978...? Maybe. I can't remember.


You mean, besides all the DC heroes with actual super-powers?


Nothing at all.

*As of 12/29/07, all posts on this story have their own tag ("Perfect Fighting Machine"). There, now. Isn't that better?


Anonymous said...

The muscle shirt could be pink. I see the puckered line of the sleeve in the shadow.

I guess if The Brave & the Bold had lasted for another hundred issues, we would've gotten to see Batman and someone else face off against beefy Hugo Strange in a muscle shirt.

Dang you and your Outsiders, Mike W. Barr (and hi, Siskoid)! Dang you to Hades, I say!

Anyway, if Storm Boy's boyfriend is fictional, doesn't that mean his adventures just occur on a different Earth? Err--Lallor? Or does it not work that way in the 31st century?

Scipio said...

Hot dang! Batman legs up on sawhorse, an unstoppable mountain of muscle, and then Hawkman shows up.

I MUST rent this movie! Falcon, right?

A Army Of (Cl)One said...

Dang! Batman looks like he ate some GHB tainted toys and is now paying the price. Oh the humanity!

No Really someone whould wake him up, quick.

Devon Sanders said...

Hawkman just looks really happy to be there.

Jeremy Rizza said...

Anonymous: I get it. The muscle shirt is pink in daylight, and the arms are the same color because they're severely sunburned. Skin damage = menace! Just like Two Face! As for this "Ox" character -- okay, so that was a bad choice of words... as for this Ox person, you shouldn't give Storm Boy any ideas. Otherwise he'll waste even more time imagining new boyfriends, in the hopes they're real, somewhere.

Scipio: In 2987 they're known as Millenium Falcon, but yes.

(Cl)one: They should try waking him gently, though, or else they're liable to end up with a Batarang to the chest. (Reflexes, y'know.)

Devon: Hey, work is work.

Anonymous said...

Go Storm Boy! I'll betcha that he met this Ox fellow at another showing of "Goldilocks", because you know that's the kind of thing SB wouldn't be able to see just once. So Ox is probably either a fellow music aficionado, or an android mechanic. (Phear my l33t sleuthing skillz, eh?)

Stephen R. said...

Ah, yes. The pink muscle shirt. I remember it well.

And the pink ensemble sported here by my ex-bf Gork really brings out the Cerulean blue gloves, cape and cowl of the Batsuit.

Cerulean Blue: The color of choice for the discriminating masked vigilante of the night.

Jeremy Rizza said...

Dr. Tectonic: I like your theories, and I'm adding them to my list of possible occupations re: this (hypothetical) Ox dude.

Stephen: So, did Gork buy that muscle shirt himself, or did you pick it out for him? (It was 1978... I wouldn't presume to judge you. Especially considering the other fashions on display in this story!)