Friday, December 07, 2007

The Manic-Depressive Man!


It's Dante's "Divine Comedy": the kick-ass version! Produced by Jerry Bruckheimer! Directed by Michael Bay! Starring Matthew McConaughey as "Splits" Dante, rugged, occasionally-shirtless man of adventure! Thrill as he battles CGI devil-dogs! Co-starring "the Rock" as Virgil and Jessica Alba as Beatrice! Special appearance by Vince Vaughn as Satan!

Ugh. I'm "growing blue" just looking at the shitty artwork. I'm pretty sure this is the same hack responsible for that "Tom Morrow" crap.


Isaac said...

"Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood..."

What do you think? A little Frost reference in that caption? It was the first thing I thought of...

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

So both ways out are very, very dangerous so he splits himself to travel them both? Isn't that kind of stupid? Shouldn't he split and work together on one trail to make sure both get out OK? Am I thinking too much about this?

Johnathan said...

I wonder what happens if one of them dies...

Also: do they refer to themselves as Split-Man Red and Split-Man Blue or Split-Man Jaguar Head and Split-Man Jaguar Ass?

Jeremy Rizza said...

Isaac: Maybe ol' Frosty was moonlighting with this comic, huh?

Jon: Your idea is more sensible, but far less KICK-ASS.

Jonathan: From what I've read, the Split-Man is under the impression that if one self dies, the other does as well. So he's made himself twice as much of a target for disaster. It's sort of like if you and your friend had to cross a mine field under sniper fire, and you decided to do it while holding hands.

HoT said...

Can U link this blog
Send a message back and we'll do the same

Best Regards,

Anonymous said...

Split-Man-Nose looks like he's the blue one, probably because he just noticed that his arms are melting.

I thought Robert Frost, too, by the way. Then I remembered it was probably more Yogi Berra: "When you come to a fork in the road, take it."

Jeremy Rizza said...

HoT: I'm thinking about it.

Anonymous: Yogi Berra! Now, there was a wordsmith!