Thursday, December 13, 2007

The Spilt Man


This sentiment crops up frequently on the "comment cards" I have my boyfriends fill out at the end of a date.

Speaking of which... I'm going out with that friend of Flev's this weekend!

I visi-phoned him just now, and set the whole thing up. His name is "Glub Tortu", or something equally stupid. But who cares about the name? Dude is hot. His "friendly muttonchops" are large and (begging for somebody to be) in charge (of them). He's also pierced to high heaven, which is normally a turn-off for me, but on him, it somehow works. I asked him what kind of art he does. After about five minutes of him explaining it to me, I still don't know. All I can say for sure is that he's a blacksmith, and he produces mammoth "installations" of some sort. Whatever. He seems like a cool guy, anyway. Bonus points: he didn't mind when I ordered politely asked him to remove his shirt and dance around for me. That's always a good start.

I'm taking him to see the touring android revival of the classic musical adaptation of Ben-Hur, "Sweet Chariot." I'll let you guys know how it goes. Keep your fingers crossed for me!


Phillip said...

I dunno. I watched an episode of Northern Exposure yesterday where Ed Chigliak learned an important lesson about getting involved while on an investigation, namely: don't! I wish you well, but watch yourself. :)

Anonymous said...

...Are those Bruce Banner's pants? He must've borrowed them during the support group for people whose powers hurt like the dickens when they use them--"it's like being crushed, flattened, and electrocuted at the same time, but it's a good pain."

I also like the Power Rangers hand motions he uses to activate (or deactivate--it's hard to tell, since his aura's decorated for either a boy or a girl) his lame-ass power. Not to be confused with a lame ass-power. That's reserved for when someone pulls his finger.

Be sure to keep us updated on things. And if a bootleg copy of Sweet Chariot happens to manifest...

captain koma said...

"This sentiment crops up frequently on the "comment cards" I have my boyfriends fill out at the end of a date."


Look it up.

Jeremy Rizza said...

Phillip: I'm thankful for your concern. Here's the deal, though: since I'm always on some investigation or other, it's just not practical for me to abstain. People could get injured. Plus, we're talking about a friend of one of several hundred people employed by the mall, so I think the odds of it being a conspiracy are pretty danged low. Also, I'm horny.

Anonymous: Haw! Bonus points for the "Power Ranger" reference.

Captain Koma: It's funny, because it's true! And it's not like I ever change my techniques based on the feedback. It's just that I like reading compliments about myself.

MaGnUs said...

"Spilt" Man? Is that an autobukake scenario gone wrong? Bad aim?

Skeleton Munroe said...

Dammit, magnus! You just gave my imagination far too much ammunition to use against me today at work. I want to think about girls - *girls!* Not Split-man making love to himself.

Jeremy Rizza said...

MaGnUs: Aw, don't make me explain a joke! But yes.

Johnathan: Hey, I'll shoulder some of that blame.

Skeleton Munroe said...

You'd goddam better.

Slowest Friday on record.

Bob Besco said...

David Gerrold might have said, "Who among us has never fantisized of 'folding' ourselves before?"