Tuesday, January 08, 2008

7/600 of One Trombone


"Now if you'll excuse me, I have to finish conducting the world's tiniest marching band."

Also... "malnutrition"? Hey, Old-Enough-To-Know-Better Denny O'Neil, while you're busy padding out your dialog with highly improbable ailments and conditions for a muscular adventurer to suffer from, you might as well consider tacking on a couple more, like:
  • Rickets
  • Elephantiasis
  • "The jim-jams"
  • Hysterical blindness
  • Mange
  • Leprosy
  • Gout
  • Incontinence
  • Liver spots
  • Ingrown toenail
  • Deviated septum
  • Gingivitis
  • "Turkey neck"
  • Scoliosis
  • Ringworm
  • Bulimia
  • Peanut allergy
  • Trichophagia (look it up)
  • Lazy eye
  • Parasitic twin
  • Diaper rash
  • Ear mites
  • Diverticulitis (I prescribe macaroni-and-cheese)
  • Third nipple
  • Autism
Oh, you're quite welcome.


Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

It could be anything.


The Blue Flu
Boogie woogie blues
the plague
Krytos virus
Scarlet Plague
Brain cloud
The fever for the flava
Achy Breaky Heart
Fear of a black planet
Tennis Elbow
Athlete's foot
Athlete's crotch

The list goes on and on.

... Unfortuntately.

Anonymous said...


Well, if not for his manual dexterity and spacial awareness, I'd say he was a dead match for Asperger's, or some other spectrum disorder.

Still, that doesn't confine you to days of bed rest, unless that time is spent watching cartoons and reading comic books...

*Ahem* What were we talking about again?


Bill S. said...

What, no scurvy?

Dave said...

Oh, for the love of God, Alfred -- don't call some sawbones to see Batman! He might notice the bruises, contusions, burns, scars, gunshot wounds, etc. that your boss picks up during his nighttime activities!

Just grind up some roofies and slip it into his tea...

LurkerWithout said...

I'll have you know that over 300 Swedes a year die from "the jim-jams". Won't anyone think of the poor Swedes?

Skeleton Munroe said...

Hey... has the Disembodied Arm started helping out the doctor now? What's poor Alfred to do?

Anonymous said...

Alfred shouldn't be jealous. The Disembodied Arm is a friend to all of humanity.

He/She/It is the character find of...whatever year this story was published in. I hear they're bringing It back in final Crisis (It'll probably be re imagined as a villain though).


Jeremy Rizza said...

Jon: "Achy breaky heart"? I'm pretty sure that's what 90's Mullet Superman suffered from!

Phil: Really, not enough disorders are treated with bed rest and comic books...

Bill S.: Not with the Bat-Juicer around!

Dave: Well, given that his other physician is in the habit of letting teenage patients die to prove a point...

Lurkerwithout: Ah, another failure of socialized medicine! (Back on Amadus, we have our own system, called "Just Deal With It, You Big Baby.")

Jonathan: The Disembodied Arm is positioning itself to replace Alfred altogether. It's Alfred's own personal Eve Harrington!

Phil: It's a perfect fit for the Sinestro Corps, that's for sure.

Bill S. said...

"Bat-Juicer" sounds nasty.

Anonymous said...

Reminds me of the Simpsons riff where Mr. Burns has everything. EVERYTHING. Including juvenile diabetes, hysterical pregnancy, and two completely new diseases that had just been discovered. In him.
James Thurber claimed to have an uncle who died from dutch elm disease...
Oh, I should warn you: you have more competition; as if The Wasp and the Southern Cross weren't enough, Girl Genius have introduced a "fashion clank". You're dealing with STEAM POWER now, Blocky!

-Lord Morgue

Jeremy Rizza said...

Bollocks! (That's Steampunk for "Holy balls.)