Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Liar, Liar, Hat on Fire


Look, it's Captain Atom!

No, the first one. From Australia!

Wow, this is turning into a theme, isn't it? Another Australian hero, another flamboyant hat, another sad effort at hiding a boner with some prop -- in this case, a hyperbolic "blurb box". I know that Australian men are uber-butch and all, but what the hell?! Do they all have boners, 24-7? On second thought, don't answer that. On third thought, please do. And be sure to support your argument with photographs.

I don't know what Captain Atom's deal is. I presume he's atomic-powered. One thing I know for sure is that his hat is dopey-looking and on fire. That explains why all those teenage girls are taunting him, and why he's running around like a rabid dingo. Seriously, how do you piss off somebody so badly that they set fire to your hat? And the fact that the flames are blue indicates that the afflicted haberdashery is hotter than hell. What did they use as fuel? Phosphorus? That is some serious anger, folks. Is Captain Atom the victim of a really bad breakup? Or is he just a total rat-bastard summumabitch? If it's the latter, maybe this thing happens to him all the time. At any rate, he's certainly taking it well. Of course, if you're enough of a bad-ass to rivet your clothing to your body, a little flaming hat isn't going to make you lose your cool.

Final verdict: stupid costume, but it's worn by a hard-core Aussie manly-man. You tell him to take it off. ...On second thought, allow me. *winks lasciviously*


Bill S. said...

His feet seem abnormally small to me.

Gus Casals said...

The feet may be small, but CA is a strapping young man. Or just plain chunky. I like that!

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

Think Firestorm wishes he were this flaming?

Anonymous said...

You like Aussie man-meat? One name.
Chesty Bond. A bit smooth by your standards, but the finest torso in comics.
Also, remember the Southern Squadron? I don't think you ever saw Dingo in his human form. Serbo-Croat bear daddy with singlet and mo. And I know you like you some mo.
--Lord Morgue

Jeremy Rizza said...

Bill S.: It's the ancient Australian art of male foot-binding. I told you, those Aussie fuckers are hard-core.

Gustavo: As long as he chunky in the right places (and he is) that's just fine by me!

Jon: Heh. What with the puffy sleeves, I think Firestorm wins that particular contest.

Lord Morgue: Sounds intriguing, but all the pics I've seen of Dingo make his monster form look skinnier (and shorter) than an Olsen twin. Where does all the mass go?

Anonymous said...

Probably straight into the hair... he tends to shed when he turns back to human, too, which can be irritating for his teammates. Actually, "skinny Dingo" only happened after Gary Chaloner took over the art duties on S.S.. The writer/creator, Dave DeVris, always drew him buff, but if Chaloner ever drew anything the way he was told to, I think his head would explode.
--Lord Morgue

Jeremy Rizza said...

Ah. I feel better now. Dingo should look me up for pelt-care tips (among other things). I use one of those brushes designed for horse manes. It really does the trick!