Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Nipples, Italian Style

argoman



Well, of course, he'd dress like that. He's a hypnotist. (I remember when a traffic court ordered me to see an anger-management therapist. The doctor was dressed only in combat boots and a jockstrap... by the time I'd gotten done with him, anyway.)

From the extensive files of the International Hero website comes "Argoman"! This strapping (if disappointingly hairless) specimen of manhood is the star of an Italian film from the 1960's. But hey! Check out them nipples! Rrrowr! I'm guessing the actual costume worn by the actor was some sort of spandex deal, so you couldn't really see his nipples. A guy can dream, though. Can't he?

Alias "Sir Reginald Hoover", Argoman has super-strength, super-hearing, telekinetic powers, and a "These are not the cannoli you're looking for" type of hypnotic suggestion, which is to say it only works on really stupid people. Bonus: he loses all his powers for about six hours after having sex. Sound familiar, guys? Not to me, of course. I'm so dad-blamed virile, I wear dudes out in their efforts to satiate me. I often find myself in a "Prince of Space" scenario, where my weary partners will try to tire me out with some newfangled sex toy (or three), and I'll bellow, "Your weapons are useless against me!" Then I'll let fly with a deep, thundering chortle which terrifies/thrills them.

"So, other than the nipples -- and might I add, 'enough already!' -- how did you like the costume, Mister Blockade Boy?" Thank you for asking. And don't sass me! Once I tore my eyes off his nipples -- which took a while -- I saw that it was a pretty lame costume. Sort of a mash-up among the Black Condor, Hourman, and Cyclops. I hate it when capes are attached to the wrists. The belt is the most interesting thing about him. And it sucks. So no, I don't like the costume. But since it's Italian, I'm sure the tailoring is impeccable.

16 comments:

Gustavo said...

The cape attached to the wrists is a very "Disco Cape" sort of thing. You may find some holos in the 31st century referring to the this 1970s craze.

Popular aging singer Madonna recently donned something like that for one of the live shows, with the charming add-on of lights. I'm sure you could make such an ensamble work in a quirky day.

Anyway, back to Nippleman...errr, Argoman, I like the black parts of the costume....it's the yellow that hurts my eyes.

Stephen Rader said...

You had me a "combats boots and a jockstrap." I'm just sayin'...

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

Oh, so it's one of those doctors who dress like a complete idiot ala Dr. Mindbender from GIJoe. Mindbender wasn't fit to carry Dr. Venom's jock.

Oh, and a quick google search of argoman revealed this picture

Bill S. said...

Good heavens, the costume looked a lot more impressive on the poster.

Blockade Boy said...

Gustavo: I'm pretty sure "popular aging singer Madonna" + cape that attaches to the wrists l= the Vulture.

Stephen: Heh. (Can't say as I'm surprised, though...)

Jon and Bill: My first thought upon seeing that movie still was, "So there are out-of-shape nerds who cosplay Argoman...?"

MaGnUs said...

I'm sure it's silk... and you'd love a band from here called "Nipple Attack".

Nepharia said...

Are you sure those nipples aren't just printed on his spandex shirt?

Chawunky said...

"Able to heft scale models of the Eiffel Tower in a single grunt!"

I regret that MST3K never had a chance to work this film over...

Blockade Boy said...

MaGnUs: Do they allow audience participation? :)

Nepharia: That would be even more disturbing, somehow.

Chawunky: Man, that would have been awesome. Well, maybe the Film Crew or Cinematic Titanic can tackle it.

MaGnUs said...

No idea, I've never been to one of their shows; just seen the flyers... but it might be worth a question.

Anonymous said...

Pah, anyone knows to make the tethered cape look work you gotta let it hang loose, like Storm. Anything else just looks like Spider-man's underarm webs got out of control.
The exeption is to PLEAT them, like Black Bolt. Zut Alors, he makes that pleated cape TALK!

--Lord Morgue

Blockade Boy said...

MaGnUs: I'll expect your full report on my desk by 9 AM, Monday.

Lord Morgue: Are we sure the pleated cape isn't a Skrull?

Anonymous said...

Well, if it was Black Bolt doing his ventriloquist act, we'd know about it because it'd be like about 20 atom bombs going off at once...
I just had a vision of Black Bolt grinning like a madman while producing a ventriloquist's dummy and the Inhumans screaming NOOOOO! and diving for cover.

--Lord Morgue

Blockade Boy said...

Haw! It would still be better than Maximus the Mad's one-man show about Mark Twain.

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