Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Belly Shirt State Penitentiary

daz13finish me

Let's go-go to prison!

Here's the Dazzler, from issue number 13 of her own comic (March, 1982), bralessly fighting for her very life against the Grapplers! Not to be confused with the Gropers, whom I'm pretty sure are Chuck Austen characters. And this titanic tussle takes place in Ryker's Island! ("I've read about that place", Dazzler exclaims to her permed-and-mustachioed lawyer. "It's a JUNGLE!" No, dear. It's a prison.)

Now, you might assume from the tomato-red hue of Dazzler's top (with matching clam-diggers, and I apologize for how dirty that sounds) that she's wearing an actual prison uniform, and maybe she found the time to alter it into something trashier, and also she removed the numeric I.D. patch, and really that's an awful bunch of assuming, and I have to wonder at this elaborate dream-world you've created for yourself.

But NO.

In fact, HELL NO, because these are the Dazzler's own clothes. See, the Dazzler apparently decided that this flimsy get-up -- sans bra! -- would be just the thing to wear to a rough 'n' tumble prison! Criminy. And yet, it's far from the most salacious ensemble worn by a female prisoner there! Let's flash back to a few pages earlier, when the Dazzler is unceremoniously dragged onto what appears to be the set of a Jim McMahon courtroom drama:


Yes, in 20th-century American prisons, the inmates just saunter around in their undergarments. ...DAMN IT! How come I never was told this? I could have volunteered to teach some brawny, nearly-nude he-hoodlums how to read, or some shit. And then somebody would have made an inspirational movie about me. For Colt Studios. ...Wow, my whole life could have been different. Holy BALLS!


Comixbear said...

And the penal system allows villains to keep their costumes, even if they have deadly spikes!

Of course, the name of the villain in quesion is Poundcakes, guarenteed to strike fear into the hearts of...Weight Watchers everywhere, I guess.

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

The tube tops and belly shirts in prison I could almost buy, but the metal valkerie bra? Shyeah right.

(Psst, BB stop by and wish me a happy blogoversary)

Gus Casals said...

I tell you, Poundcakes does bring fear into my hairy heart. That is the very definition of Butch.
She could be a missing Female Fury ( if that passes as "female" ).

As for our subject of the post, Dazzler. So, she's floozy, what else is new?

Isaac said...

BB, you're a time-traveler, right? What's stopping you from going back in time to check out some of those 20th-century half-dressed prisons right now?

I mean, aside from your commitment to critiquing comics for us here in the 21st.

But you could always just return to the future (your present) moments after you left it. Time travel must be rad for procrastinators.

Bill S. said...

What exactly is she doing in that picture? Putting aside the peek-a-boobies, there's the matter of the dialogue, and the facial expression that could be interpretted as either sex-face, or desperate anger. Possibly both.

Anonymous said...

Dang, is it Ryker's Island or Femizonia?

LurkerWithout said...

And now I want to write Dazzler/Screaming Mimi fics. But I will remain strong. And not. Though I will be in my bunk...

Jeremy Rizza said...

Comixbear: Is Poundcake's real name "Sara Lee"? Because it really should be.

Jon: Maybe the bra is made from defective license plates!

Gustavo: You're right: the Dazzler's trampiness is well-known. It's just fun to point it out.

Isaac: Time-travel is highly regulated nowadays (1,000 years ahead of your era, in another dimension). Now that I'm so famous, and everybody knows that I had to steal my last time-bubble, I'm not allowed near one of the damn things! Consarn it.

Bill S.: Well, why do you think I chose that panel? :)

Chawunky: Maybe the Grapplers will sentence Dazzler to death -- death by snoo-snoo!

Lurker: Hey, it's the internet, so odds are somebody already wrote it for you.

MaGnUs said...

Stroker's Island?