Thursday, June 05, 2008

Does This Dress Make My Hippie Look Big?


Beware! Big Hippie is watching you! Yes, it's a Cory Doctorow wet dream, where high-powered executives are continuously monitored by hippies! (And to be honest, that doesn't sound like a bad idea, right now.) If only the comic itself was that revolutionary!

In a typical romance comic, a hippie comes in one of two not-so-groovy flavors. He's either a mixed-up "pretty boy" who shows up in the last two panels with a suit and a shave, in order to sweep his blissfully relieved sweetheart to a life of stifling conformity, OR he's a lout who dares to lightly pet the heroine before marriage and who is summarily sucker-punched by the square who really loves her. In this story from "Girls' Romances #136 (October, 1968), the leading lady is faced with a swing-a-delic "Sophie's Choice" and she finally goes with... the hippie! Sure, it's because he's going back to college and has told her parents he's going to marry her "whether they like it or not" (I'm guessing "not"), but he's also made a name for himself as a rock star, and there's no talk of him getting a haircut or a shave (or taking a bath) so that's something. I guess.

Okay. Enough hippie talk! How about that dress? It's not a good look for her, because it makes her look like a Pringles can with arms. She enjoys crocheting, doesn't she? Maybe a little bit too much! Because it looks like that dress just keeps going, all the way to the floor and beyond, like she's Morticia Addams Barbie. Or a humanoid tea cozy! It's unsettling! It makes her look boneless, like there's nothing under there but undulating white pulp that just sways back and forth, making little bleating noises. Like she's growing out of the floor! She's like some mythical creature, some siren that never moves, but waits for men to fall in love with her, so she can mealy-mouth over which one she loves best, until they finally get bored with her, or die. And still she'll wait, gently swaying. And bleating. *manly shudder* Wow, I creeped myself out with that one!


Gus Casals said...

She's so pretty, and she looks like she's dressed as a glo-worm.
Hot hippy is better off without her, he can come to us, were we are going to appreciate his facial hair.

Off topic: Romance comic posting are quickly becoming my fave BBoy features.

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

To me, it looks like a stick of Fruit Stripe gum. Remember that stuff? The gum that tasted like fruity cardoard?

Bill S. said...

Why does she have a giant, mutant street beatnik's head mounted on her wall? That sh*t is Allred-esque.

I am hardly a hippie apologist, but I gotta say, when confronted by Dr. Helmet-Hair there, it's hardly something I have to consider at all.

Comixbear said...

"You have got to make up your mind...Me or that hippie! And if you choose wrong, I have my hands placed to snap your ill-dressed neck!"

captain koma said...


It took this long for you to freak yourself out.

You freak me out once a month.

Scipio said...

Oh, she's a Man-Eating Love-Polyp.

LurkerWithout said...

Do they still have Hippies in that Futuristic World in Space of yours that is in the future in space?

Jeremy Rizza said...

Gustavo: Awesome! Just last year, I would post romance stuff and the comment boxes would be empty, save for the chirping of crickets. I guess I've finally worn y'all down! (Or my audience has at last acquired enough gay dudes! ...Aw, who am I kiddin'? I can never have enough gay dudes!)

Jon: I once dated a guy who tasted like fruity cardboard! (He called himself "Corrugated Lad." He had mental control over shipping boxes. I dumped him when I walked in on him getting "packed" by Styrofoam Peanut Boy. Jerks.)

Bill S.: I agree, and I have to admire the hippie's aggressive advertising campaign! VOTE HIPPIE!

Comixbear: That's why you don't date ninjas.

Captain Koma: Nothing personal, buddy. It's all in the name of comedy! (BTW, I'll send you some costume sketches this weekend!)

Scipio: Egads! I found a couple of those growing in my (manly) spice garden. A few applications of "Round-Up" settled their hash.

Lurker: Of course not! What a ridiculous notion! We have Space-Hippies.

Anonymous said...

"Styrofoam Peanut Boy"

I believe he became Excelsior in the Zero Hour reboot and quickly got sued by a descendant of Stan Lee.