Friday, July 11, 2008

Thrill Ride

Wow, Cootie's kittens are just flying off the shelves! Usually with one of my priceless knick-knacks in their mouths, which they then drop on my head, like little bombs.

Thank the Luck Lords, people are actually wanting to take the critters off my hands!

In other news? I'm still jobless. I've had countless strategy sessions with the other Eyeful Rejects (as I've taken to calling them) but we can't reach consensus on anything. And the stress must be getting to me, because Posture Queen pulled me aside and said:

"BLOCKADE BOY. You're a BEAUTIFUL SUPER-HERO with a UNIQUE BEARD. When you first invited us over for snacks we were BLOWN AWAY by your SMILE (on the rare occasions we could glimpse it beneath that ginormous mustache of yours) but NOW? You seem to be FADING. Storm Boy said you SNAPPED at him during BRUNCH this morning. And that makes you LESS PRETTY to me. WHERE is that Blockade Boy who DAZZLED US at the BEGINNING? You need to DIG DEEP and FIND THAT WITHIN YOURSELF, because we're starting to question WHY YOU'RE HERE."

And I hollered, "I'm here because it's my goddamn house! Why the hell are you always here?!"

So then she started yelling at me ("I BELIEVED IN YOU! WE ALL BELIEVED IN YOU!"); and Phantom Lad yelled at her for yelling at me; and Bad Apple Boy started stomping around and making all these crazy hand gestures and saying "YO, this shit is WHACK"; and Cootie and several duplicates of her kittens were all yowling because they didn't know what was going on; and Storm Boy was laughing so hard he choked on his protein bar. (But if you've observed the obscene manner in which he eats the damn things, that's not unusual.)

So I hollered for everybody to SHUT THE HELL UP. And like normal, they did. (Even the cats!) And I apologized for being snippy, even though I'm pretty sure I hadn't but I have to use diplomacy, I guess. (And I suppose I have been on edge, lately, since I broke up with most of my boyfriends because they looked exactly like me and it was freaking boring, man, so I hadn't "gotten me some" in at least fifty-two hours.)

And on the spot, in a grand gesture that is typical for me, I told everyone I was treating them to a day at Lallor's famed "Paper Dollar City" amusement park, namely at its newest section, New Jersey Country.

Well, we had a heck of a fun time, until the roller coaster got stuck. The park sent up a technician with a jet pack, to take a gander at it. He was a beautiful freakin' dream, man. Brawny fireplug type, shaved head, handlebar 'stache, and a tattoo of a dark beast skull on his neck. And I couldn't help flirting with him, and Storm Boy was flirting too, only he peppered his dialog with techno-centric engineering talk. So I won, because I speak the language of SEX, brother, and my voice is like fine-grit sandpaper against your nipples.

And sure, okay, maybe it was "bad form" for me to make love to him right in that stalled roller coaster car. But at least I gave everyone a few seconds of warning.

gl137bigone

8 comments:

LurkerWithout said...

All those sweet, sweet future dollars from the vast Rollar Coaster fetishists will soon be mine! If I were filming Blockade Boy porn...

Which I'm not. Because NO ONE can prove anything and thus HAS NO LEGAL CLAIM ON ANY THEORETICAL MONEY FROM THE 22nd OR 24th Century...

Trust me. I've talked to lawyers. Well a lawyer. Anyways, he went to a law school. Well it HAD a law school...

Not that it matters. Since there IS NO PORN BEING FILMED! I know nothing about the weird birthmark on this Space-Carny's ass. That looks like a duck weilding a hammer. THAT I KNOW NOTHING ABOUT!

Gustavo said...

Well, we seem to be recurring here: you are getting laid in several hot ways, you don´t have a job...Get a holo camera and do the math...

As for Posture Queen, does SHE ALWAYS speak like THAT? It could get ANNOYING, couldn´t it?

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

You could be like that slacker guy on Weeds. Find your porn niche and go with it. Maybe after you perform, you could turn into a giant wall and fall on your partner, get the gay wall falls on sex partner fetishists.

LurkerWithout said...

You'd think Gay Wall That Falls fetishism would be huge, but its really not. Its very niche. And most of that niche are Coluans from the 34th Century. And only one's who've moved to the Solar Art Collectives on Mercury. Well them and Brainiac's 12-23. And the Braniac lineage, their health conscious cousins. Very, VERY niche. Just saying...

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

What do you mean it's way, way niche? Practically everyone I know is into GWF.

Blockade Boy said...

Lurker: Birthmark? Naw, that's just where some of my saltwater taffy melted onto him.

Gustavo: As much as everybody seems to want it, I refuse to become a (professional) porn star. And Posture Queen only TALKS like THIS when she's trying to make a "dramatic" point. If she did it all the time, I'd be forced to kick her fat ass out of my pod.

Jon: That seems like an awfully specialized market.

Lurker: And thank you for backing me up on this. (Although I'm a tad freaked out by your extensive knowledge of the subject.)

Jon: The exceptions that prove the rule, buddy.

Wonder Man said...

Cute, very cute

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

Look, I am prepared to prove that lots of people are into GWF. Just look at this.