Monday, September 11, 2006

NFL = Nice F'n Logo

Here's a funny story about Jeremy: never the sporty type, as a child he once tried watching a football game with his older brothers and was soundly laughed out of the room after he complimented one of the teams on their "nice costumes." Haw! What a jerk!

Here's another funny story about Jeremy: at the tender age of thirty-seven he's decided to become a football fan. Why? Because he wants to be able to talk about something else besides comic books and Broadway musicals. So why football? Because it's the most comic-booky of sports, with beefy, chemically-enhanced fellows pounding the living tar out of one another (am I right, Trent Green? Trent? Hello? Aw, don't worry about it; you just rest now.) while covered practically head-to-toe in colorful costu- er, uniforms. And he appreciates the strategy element of it, which apparently reminds him a little of "Vandal Hearts" on the PS1 from back in his gamer days. Although football players don't typically burst into noisy fountains of blood when they get sacked. ("SPSSHHH!!!")

Jeremy's tried this kind of thing before, by the way. His efforts in past seasons usually consisted of buying a "season preview" magazine in August, never reading it, and feeling vaguely guilty the rest of the year. Last season he made a decent start but within a few weeks he started to feel overwhelmed by all the teams and facts to keep track of and he gave up. He thought he'd try to go with baseball this summer but he lost interest pretty quickly. (Remember that A-Rod reference I made a few months ago? We haven't watched a single baseball game since then.) But this football season, or so he says, he really, really means it. I believe him. He seems pretty darned enthused about the whole deal. And to avoid burnout, he's going to concentrate on following just a few teams: right now it's the Kansas City Chiefs (because if you're a Kansan it's the closest thing to a "home team", which is kind of sad) and the second one is the Steelers, I think because he liked watching Bill Cowher kiss that one guy. Also, he's going to completely ignore college football because, y'know... baby steps. Someday, for sure, but not right now. And he seems to really enjoy the hell out of watching football games, like the Chief/Bengals match-up yesterday afternoon. And here's another example of how serious he is: he recorded the game before he watched it, and he made the mistake of reading the ticker during the Panthers/Falcons game and saw the Chiefs were down by seventeen points, and yet he still watched the game anyhow. The Chiefs still wound up losing, but at least it was only by thirteen points. That's something, I guess. Anyway, you should see him, hunched on the loveseat, armed with the "pause" button on his remote and his copy of Howie Long's "Football For Dummies", deciphering the abbreviations and initials and such that flash on the screen. He's like the Jane Goodall of gay comics nerds. And I've decided to help the l'il fella out. He'll watch at least one game in its entirety every day that they're telecast and on the following day's blog I'll post any comics-related football comments he made (plus anything else he said that I found amusing.) It connects football to an interest he already harbors. And the very best part? You, my wonderful audience, will know if he didn't watch any games on a particular day, because I won't have anything new to post. And then you all can give him hell. So here's the first installment...

  • From what Jeremy understands from watching SportsCenter, apparently Terrell Owens and the Eagles were like Mento and the Doom Patrol, but the Cowboys say he's now like Hawkeye and the Avengers. Except for the "blowing up" part.
  • Jeremy tells me the Tennessee Titans mascot is a raccoon (the hell?!) while the New Teen Titans' mascot was a kid who could turn into a raccoon.
  • From the Chiefs/Bengals game yesterday: one of the announcers started to say a certain doctor had repaired "Carson's Palmer" but he caught himself at the last minute. Which prompted Jeremy to say that the same doctor had "enlarged Larry's Johnson." *cricket noises* ...Well, I liked it.

But where is the fashion, you ask? Right here! I couldn't help but notice that a lot of NFL logos would look perfectly smashing on various superheroes. For instance, the Bengals "B" logo would be great for the Bronze Tiger. Er... is he still alive? The Titans logo is just busy and faddish enough for a loser superhero like Triumph. The Broncos logo would work nicely for the Night Rider (western Ghost Rider guy)... if he wore spandex, that is. See, the horse seems kind of mean, and its mane looks like it's on fire. Spooky! The Chargers logo is a natural for any electrical-based hero, even it it also kind of resembles a big snaggle-toothed frown. The Cowboys logo would work for any of the Starmen or even Night Girl, although I suppose that's a no-brainer. The Bears' big orange "C" would have looked mighty fine on Cluemaster or Catman but they don't quite count as superheroes. Dang. Well, the big apeshit-crazy bear head would have been nice for Ursa Major, if only he wore a costume. Maybe he could put it on a wifebeater or some boxers or something. The Lions? Captain Britain, natch, although that's really a lateral move. Maybe that godawful "Lionheart" guy could use it. Green Bay's "G" is fine for any hero whose name starts with "Green" and it would be a fine team logo for the Global Guardians as well. The Falcons? Le Peregrine, but of course! The Panthers logo is perfect for the Black Panther, (no brainer) but since the symbol is severed at the neck it's just fine for Pantha, too. Any objections, Pantha? *silence* Yeah, I thought not. And the Rams have a great logo for the Olympian, given his connection to the mythical golden fleece, i.e. he's wearing the damn thing.

Alrighty, now it's your turn. What other NFL logo-superhero connections can you make? There are just two rules: the logo can't have a color that clashes with the hero's costume and the logo can't have any lettering that conflicts with the hero's codename (it's why I didn't use the Chiefs logo for Speedy or Arsenal or Arrowette, since it had those big "KC" initials.)

And to help our little Jeremy wrap his brain around the impossible vastness of the NFL, are there any comparisons you can make between the league or its players/managers whatever and comic books? *makes imploring Sally Struthers face* Please, he's counting on you.


Gryphon Rose said...

Hey, amigo! How're you doing? Haven't talked to you in a while. Give me a call some time, or send me an email, eh?

Dr Obvious said...

It seems like the Steelers logo makes logical sense for Steel, given that its an emblematic of the chemicals in steel. However, I think it would work better for an 'Evil Superman' story. Still bright primary plus evil black, and still has the steel symbols.

I can't tell if Jeremy is supposed to be you, or a friend, but either way, tell him to read It's got a pretty good place to get started.

One way that the NFL is like comic books is the prevalence of seemingly unique super powers. Steve McNair, for example, has regenerative powers that would put wolverine to shame. Troy Polamalu has the amazing ability to line up in three places at once (its the hair).

Another way the NFL is like comics is the freelance's of amazing comeback victories. Because of all the hitting and running people are doing, the dynamics of the game change near the end of the game. The running game that's been grinding 2 yards a carry can suddenly burst to life like Captain America showing up on page 18. The corner that's been all over a receiver can't keep up with him. etc.

Dr Obvious said...

stupid spell checker. Freelance = prevalance.

Steven said...

You, erm, Jeremy can do what I do, which is find a football buddy to watch the games with. Someone who's a fan of "your" team and is happy, nay, proud, to give you the ins and outs of not just the rules, but also the traded players, the odd rivalries and histories, and why hitting the in the stomach is cool but grabbing their mask is a big no-no.

For extra fun, make sure you do it at a bar that shows "your" team every Sunday. Football goes down a lot easier along with other fans, cheap beer, and hot wings.

In exchange you can explain to him, I mean, JEREMY can explain to him the joys of super hero fashion design.

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

Yeah, I'd say stick with one team, keep up with them and know who everybody is (ferinstance, my team of choice is the Bears). Drink a few beers while you watch, I know it's kind of cliche, but that's how it's done. Maybe find a bud and hang out at a bar for a couple hours on Sunday.

The Seahawks have a neat logo, too. That couls go with Falcon or Birdman or something.

Bully said...

The only way I have ever understood the basic rules of football is through this.

Chawunky said...

Hummm...maybe the Indianapolis Colts logo for Longshot?

Jeremy Rizza said...

Thanks for the advice, everyone!

Gryphon Rose: I'll have Jeremy send you an e-mail! By the way, everybody else, this gentleman is award-winning author and RPG designer Aaron Rosenberg! Among his other accomplishments, he's the blog's first commenter and Jeremy's pal from back in college! A prince among men, truly.

Dr. Obvious: Since I unsettled enough people way back when I mentioned that I wasn't a natural redhead, I won't get deeply into the matter of who's who and what's what around here. Let's just say that Jeremy wishes he were me and leave it at that.

Bully: Haw!