Ben There, Won That

Today I watched the Chiefs/Steelers game. Since those are the two teams I decided to follow at the start of the season, I had mixed emotions. By dint of location I'm obliged to be a Chiefs booster but I really like the Steelers. So I'm happy that Pittsburgh flattened KC, cartoon steamroller-style, 45-7. But at the same time I'm a little bummed out. Oh, and there won't be many comments about the announcers because Dan Dierdorf and Greg Gumbel were pretty straightforward and serious, and there won't be any comments about wacky fans because the Pittsburgh fans carried themselves with relative comportment. It was probably too cold for body-painting.

• The Titans/Redskins game ran long so CBS didn't switch over to the Steelers/Chiefs matchup until well into the first quarter, by which time the Steelers were already ahead by seven points. Which was on their first possession. According to one of the announcers (much later) this sealed up the win for them. Well hell, just turn off the lights and send everybody home already. I'm sure Ronnie Cruz would have appreciated that.
• The announcers described the dynamic between the two teams as "Blitzburgh vs. L.J." BLITZburgh? That RAWKS! Speaking for myself, I grew up in "MAULstead." (It was brutal!)
• First quarter: Steelers #97 Arnold "Plan C" Harrison tackles LJ himself, which is pretty good considering he's actually subbing for the injured James Harrison, who was the backup for Joey Porter, who's out with a "high ankle sprain." (Tripped over a bong!)
• With 0:50 left in the first quarter, the Steelers' Big Ben Roethlisberger makes his first touchdown pass of the season. Sweet!
• Second quarter: Steelers #39 Willy Parker has the ball and is making a heckuva run for it when he suddenly slips and falls, breaking a heel, and then Leatherface catches up with him but CBS cuts to a commercial before we can see what happens next.
• Big Ben enjoyed some big, beautiful pockets today. I swear, one of them was so big he probably could have eaten a sub sandwich and finished it off with a Big Gulp before he had to get rid of the ball.
• Here's a good example of how lost KC's defense was: in the second quarter, the Steelers' Najeh Davenport only had to avoid a single KC player and then he was flying down the field at a million miles an hour for a forty-eight yard gain, and it took KC defensive end Jared "Barry" Allen to finally tackle him. Considering the distance Allen had to travel to accomplish this I'm surprised he didn't arrive covered in FedEx stickers.
• Third quarter: LJ "tackles" Steelers #43 Troy Polamalu by grabbing a fistful of Polamalu's pretty, pretty "Jill Thompson character" hair and dragging him to the ground. Which it turns out is perfectly legal -- but after a near-scuffle between both teams and some frantic discussion by the refs, KC earns a fifteen-yard penalty for LJ's "unsportsmanlike conduct." The announcers explain shortly afterwards that it wasn't for the hair-pulling -- and good luck tackling Polamalu without touching his hair, I guess! -- but for "taunting." Maybe the fact that Johnson still had his fist tangled in Polamalu's locks when both men had gotten back off the ground has something to do with it. I saw that and I thought "Jeezum, let go already!"
• A chart detailing the eating schedule of the Steelers' Ryan Clark reveals he has a "second dinner" at 10:30 P.M. Apparently his nutritionist is Pippin Took.
• Steelers coach Bill Cowher must be practicing his napkin-folding skills, because when he'd throw a flag on a play it looked like an origami swan.
• With 1:12 left to go in the fourth quarter, the Chiefs' Ronnie Cruz is laid out with a knee injury. So he's spread out on the grass, the various doctors are hovering over him, they've brought out the cart since apparently he doesn't think he can make it off the field under his own power, and then... "Love In An Elevator" starts blasting over the speakers. Oh, for--! Wasn't the man in enough pain?