Sunday, October 08, 2006

Booting Up...

Jeremy here! I got my computer back from Wherever and it's working! I'll spare you all the boring details, except to say when I phoned the service center last Tuesday to check on it, the guy had the gall to tell me that if I didn't have my warranty the repairs would have cost me around $350.00. And then he tried to sell me an extended warranty. Hey, here's a tip, pal: don't make me go to Hell and back trying to get my computer repaired a mere four months after I bought the damn thing and then act like you're doing me a favor by not charging me. (Needless to say, I didn't take him up on the extended warranty offer.)

Yesterday I was cleaning my apartment and under one of the love seat cushions I found a 150-year-old letter from Blockade Boy informing me he'd be returning from the Old West sometime today. Why, it's almost like he knew all along my computer would crash and that he'd have all this extra time on his hands! And then he somehow arranged for a letter to wind up in a love seat that was manufactured within the last year. No small feat, especially considering he wrote that letter in an alternate universe! The DC one, to be precise. Here's an excerpt:

The people of the DC Universe Old West are a fun bunch, although with my sweet-ass Donegal beard they keep mistaking me for an especially flamboyant Quaker. Last week I traded hair care tips with Hawk, Son of Tomahawk. Turns out natural dyes like beet root are just the thing for a fun, temporary new look. I beat him in a poker game, and one of the things I won off him was this killer little manny-pack. Hand-tooled leather and simply dripping with beads and fringe. I'm saving it for a special occasion. The other thing I won... well it wasn't exactly an object but let's just say he'll have to ride side-saddle for the next couple of weeks. Oh, and the other night I had a walk-off with Bat Lash. Girl can work it.

On the artistic side, I've been working on redesigns for the Legion of Substitute Heroes and various Legion Rejects. I've even found a way for Polecat to look good! (One word: pants.) Still kind of stumped about Double Header. Maybe just a burqa for him. And I'm also readying the first installment of the New Teen Titans/Fearsome Five moral reversal challenge: Nightwing/Shimmer. Plus, I've got Rescue Me redesigns for Titania, Commander Kraken, and the Wrench all worked out. I should be able to start posting some of this stuff within the next week. Not day after day, mind you, but still.

Wow! Sounds like he's been a busy little bee. Now I just have to get my scanner software working properly. (Don't worry. I'm on it.)

Now... are you ready for some (of last week's) football? As seen by someone barely familiar with the sport? Well, too bad, 'cause I'm posting about it anyway.

10/1: I watched the Chiefs/49ers game. As a Kansan I'm somehow required to be a Chiefs fan, but I don't mind. Especially when they crush SF 41-0. My observations:
  • Looking at the mugshots -- er, headshots of KC's defensive line, I'm pretty sure their heads were all warped horizontally by Kai's SuperGOO. Somebody on the production staff has a cruel sense of humor.
  • An announcer, quoting SF's Jeff Ulbrich on his team's linebackers: "When they see a hole, they have to hit it up in the hole." Oh, I have a filthy, filthy mind.
  • Remember those shiny leggings designed by Jeffrey Sebelia in the "Black & White" challenge on Project Runway? A lot of the players appeared to be wearing those... on their arms. Still fit, though.
  • The crowd noise in Arrowhead Stadium was like listening to a jet taking off, so it made it hard for the players to hear the refs' whistles. Which led to that great moment in the first quarter when a Chiefs player knocked the ball loose from a 49ers player's hands, creating a mad, confused scramble that ended with a Chiefs player wandering around, holding the ball out from his chest like he's just won an icecream cake at a raffle but he can't eat it because he's allergic to dairy.
  • An instant replay at the end of the first quarter began with a row of cheerleaders in the upper portion of the frame, with everything above their crotches cropped out. Special guest cameraman: Howard Chaykin!
  • A freaky moment in the second quarter: the Chiefs' Derek Johnson basically twirls the 49ers' Alex Smith down at the 40 yard line... horizontally. When Smith hit the ground it looked like he'd been put on a rotisserie.
  • 49ers kicker Andy Lee looks like the love child of Gareth Keenan and Dwight Schrute.
  • Remember at the start of the third quarter when SF's Maurice Hicks fumbled the ball after a fifty-three yard return, and KC's Jared Page recovered it? I just about lost my mind, I was so pumped about that. It felt like I was personally responsible! And I was just sitting on my ass eating a pizza!
  • Commentator Chris Myers on the Chiefs' Trent "My Brain Hurts" Green: "Said he tired of sitting around at home, wrote up some plays and gave them to Herm Edwards and offensive coordinator Mike Solari and they told him 'These are actually crayon drawings of you riding a unicorn. Why don't you go back home and just stay there for a few more weeks? 'Kay? Bye.'" Alright, so part of that quote may have been fabricated.
  • How sweet was that sixty-yard put return made by Dante Hall in the fourth quarter? I have no wiseass remark here; I just thought it was hella cool.

10/2: The Eagles beat the Packers, 31-9. I wasn't rooting for either team especially, but my early sympathies were with the Eagles, since they have that nice soup-loving Donovan McNabb. Plus he had to prove he could still lead his team to victory without the controversial T.O. Morrow or whoever that was. Although I later felt kind of bad for the Packers' Bret "The Grizzled Old Prospector" Favre. He's a sassy senior! Now, get off the field, wipe the excess Ensure off your lips, turn off your blinkers for God's sake and finish filling out this AARP form. Some additional thoughts:

  • Somebody was actually paid money to make Tony Kornheiser's hair look that way. Try wrapping your mind around that.
  • Spotted in the stands: the Hulk's evil future identity, the Maestro! (Bulky guy with a bald green head and a massive white beard. Pretty disturbing, really.)
  • Green Bay's fifty-four yard field goal in the second quarter: effing sweet.
  • Not precisely football related (not that it's ever stopped me before) but I really have to get this one off my chest: judging from their commercials, Bud Light's key demographic is dull-witted, smarmy asswipes, ages 18-34.
  • Michelle Tafoya's jacket was handcrafted from the skin of Ernie from Sesame Street.
  • I did not know they were allowed to do that: in the third quarter, Donovan McNabb slid to the thirty yard line. Then he checked Bret Favre into the boards, slam-dunked the football over the goal (nothing but net!) and drove off the field in a stock car.
  • One of the announcers -- the scratchy-voiced one, Theisman maybe? -- on Brian Dawkins: "[He] becomes Weapon X when he gets on the football field." I have to wonder if he even knew he was referring to an X-Men concept when he said that. Or maybe Dawkins really does slash at opposing players with adamantium claws while wearing a big chrome hairdryer with telephone cords sticking out of it.
  • Missed the ironic contrast by this much: an announcer said "The Eagles suddenly look very healthy in this game" about three seconds after the camera cut away from a mob of morbidly obese fans.
  • Oh, so that's a "pump fake", Steven: McNabb's "the hell with it, I'll just run the damn ball myself" maneuver at the start of the fourth quarter.

Well, that's enough babbling from me. I have to work on the scanner thing. I don't anticipate any problems. And I guarantee there will be weekday posting for the foreseeable future. Hooray!

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

Michelle Tafoya's jacket was handcrafted from the skin of Ernie from Sesame Street.

Ha haha haha. Welcome back Jeremy. We missed ya.

Anonymous said...

Welcome back!

Chawunky said...

I respect your stick-tuitiveness re: football, Jeremy. Thanks for the update on BB's paratemporal status!

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

Welcome back.

I would have to consult the rulebook, but I do believe that slashing the opposing team with adamantium claws is against the rules.

Bully said...

No one with access to a time machine ever need buy an extended warranty.