Nothing says "down on all fours, if it's not too much of a bother" like black silk. Incorporate black silk into your wardrobe whenever possible! As the head of a Fortune 500 company, Tony has to rock the "business casual" look, so he can't just walk around in black silk pajamas all the time. Unfortunately. But where there's a boner, there's a way! Tony merely fakes a carpal tunnel injury and voila! Black silk sling! Bonus tip: come up with a cute name for your girlfriend's vagina!
Nazi costumes are so last year. Next time you want to spice things up, try role-playing as an East German army officer! Or for maximum kinkiness, try North Korean! Do that crazy goose-step into the bedroom and your theoretical lady friend will "open her borders" for "reunification"... unless the "UN weapons inspectors" show up. Wait, what? That was one too many metaphors. And I'm not even sure I know what it means! You know what, just forget that last part.
Okay, so let's say you actually manage to land a girlfriend (unlikely, I know, but bear with me here) and you piss her off big time. Maybe she came home to her apartment and found you there, screwing her roommate, and you forgot to ask her to join the two of you for a three-way. You know you've got to make it up to her. You search for a sweet, romantic gesture. Do you give her a single red rose? Probably, but that's wrong! Dead wrong! What's better than a single rose? How 'bout a single rose petal! Yeah, you're feelin' me! It's smaller and therefore cuter (or at least that's what I tell myself). And don't forget to give the petal to your lady with a casual, lazy-eyed half-smirk. Chicks love that.