Monday, December 04, 2006

Legion Of Substitute Costumes: Stone Boy

blockadesantahead Like Polar Boy, Legion rejectee Stone Boy had complete control over his powers. Unlike Polar Boy, Stone Boy's power was almost completely useless. Except for providing a decoy target for really stupid armies.

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"Seed storehouse"?! It's called a sperm bank you bumpkin! Grow the hell up already! Christ. But my rage, it's distracing me from the matter at hand: Stone Boy's costume. Stone Boy's horrendously ugly costume. Not that I blame Stone Boy himself, mind you. I figure his mom made it for him.

stoneboyold1

Y'see, Stone Mom was about to throw out that bolt of orange spandex she'd found in a dumpster behind the fabric store, when suddenly she got an idea! Also, check out paunchy Stone Dad in the background. (Special guest star: Gordon Jump!) So by the looks of things, not only will Stone Boy never be admitted to the Legion of Super-Heroes, he's also going to go bald one day. Glad I'm not him. *casually runs a hand through my lush, beautiful hair*

But don't think I'm an unsympathetic bastard! Naw, I'm a sympathetic bastard! I came up with a more handsome look for the guy, and a better idea on how he can use his powers. See, all he needs to do is go to the top of a steep slope, wait for a bad guy to show up, crouch into a ball, turn into stone, and VOILA!

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I gave him some padded body armor for when he's not using his "will-force" to turn himself to stone (hey, I can do that too, sort of) and I used the shape of the pads to design a logo for him. It's a stylized "S" and "B." Because your old Earth alphabet looks so much better than Interlac. The cropped hair and stubble is a nice tough look for him, and along with his deliciously excessive body hair, it provides a textural contrast with the armor. Which is why I left so many holes in it. What?! He can turn to stone; what the hell would he need body armor for? Oh, now I'm confused. What was I talking about?

Tomorrow: Legion Of Substitute Costumes: The Mess!

7 comments:

Justin Garrett Blum said...

Actually, this could be a pretty useful power if he teamed up with Catapult Kid or something.

I don't know about all of that body hair, BB... Are you going for the "His power is useless, so instead, he'll just try to gross out his enemies" tack?

Tonight the part of Stone Boy will be played by George "The Animal" Steele.

Randy Jackson said...

In all honesty, the Grell costume for Stone Boy may have actually been worse than the one he designed for Cosmic Boy.

Additionally, there was one time in those old Legion stories where Stone Boy turned just his fist to stone to attack someone. Dunno why that never stuck, as that would actually be damned useful.

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

Did you check with his mom to make sure it was OK for him to wear the new costume?

"I don't know if I want you galivanting around in and outfit like that. It's awful revealing."

"OK, mother."

Linus said...

That costume's more homoerotic than anything Mike Grell ever designed. You might as well just rename him "Rock Hard" and be done with it.

Darth Nepharia said...

He looks great, except he's in dire need for a full-body wax....

Anonymous said...

I'm certain it's the exposed inner thighs that does it. If he'd just wear some long johns under there, he'd look normal (for a superhero). But expose some hairy inner thighs and he goes from Baxter Building to Stonewall faster than you can blink.

But the little Chibi Stone Boy in the background is awesome!

Phillip said...

I don't have a problem with the hair, just the banana-hammock effect going on. Maybe hot pants? At least something with legs...