Thursday, January 11, 2007

Several Crimes for Grimey Brothers

bbwhitestachehead In "Iron Man" #188 (November 1984) two brothers buy a delapidated old theater "in a certain section of Los Angeles" with plans to turn it into a sleek, modern porn-o-plex. One of them discovers a pair of weird costumes in the back. Naturally, he tries one on and does a little fashion show for his brother. ...This is starting to sound a lot like amateur incest-fetish fiction, isn't it? Don't worry; it's only Denny O'Neil. (Huh. I still feel a little queasy.)

The brothers are named Grimes, but by a Silver Age-y coincidence, the costumes used to belong to the old Spider-Woman villains, the Brothers Grimm. And the tacky duds, while not exactly fabulous, are magic.

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Enough with the shouting already! Jeebus! Who knew Jim Belushi was such a little bitch? Oh, and "I don't even know how I got it on you?" I've heard that excuse before. From Calamity King, after an unfortunate "spooning accident" we had while on a camping trip to Olympus Mons. And then our blanket turned out to be Ronn-Kar. *shudder*

The Grimes are investors in real estate, so they decide to use the Grimm costumes to take revenge on a man who beat them out of a high-end property -- a restaurant.

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Although to be fair, the Grimes were only going to turn the restaurant into a porno theater. It's what they do. (Kidding.)

"My soup-- eating through the table!" Yeah, like she was only going to eat soup. (Meow! I know; I'm an asswipe. But you must admit I wear it well.) If I were her I'd be more concerned about her dinner companion's shadow suddenly devouring his entire body, but yeah, soup is important. Also, she had the bad fortune to go there during a "Top Chef" Restaurant Wars challenge, so the soup would have had the properties of hydrochloric acid anyway. (Michael, pack your knives and go. And take those little turds Marcel and Ilan with you, m'kay?)

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I know what he means about the mask. I have some argyle socks that make me feel the same way.

The last panel of this issue is meant to show that the Iron Man helmet is seriously screwing up James Rhodes' brain, because no superhero in all of comicdom would ever, under any conditions, think this:

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5 comments:

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

Who knew Jim Belushi was such a little bitch?

I think we all knew that was pretty safe to assume.

Although to be fair, he is the most talented still-living Belushi brother.

Scipio said...

"Michael, pack your knives and go. And take those little turds Marcel and Ilan with you, m'kay?)"

As long as we still get to look at Sam, tall cool drink that he is.

Actually, I'm working on fanfic where, deciding to put Marcel in his place, Sam and Ilan drag him to the meat locker and give some of the experience everyone says he lacks.

Lots of it. "Yeah, you're my little sous-chef now, aren't you? Who's your top chef, huh?"

Fortress Keeper said...

And in a nice little twist, the ORIGINAL Brothers Grimm were the sons (sort of) of an obscure Iron Man bad guy known as Mr. Doll.

Gad, I'm so pathetic.

Blockade Boy said...

Jon: Is there much of a competition?

Scipio: I bet Marcel would do a bang-up job with tossing a salad.

Fortress Keeper: What's pathetic is that I think that twist is kind of cool.

SallyP said...

Oh Rhodey, I understand your pain. Don't we ALL hate Tony Stark?