Friday, January 19, 2007

Umar Mongers

bbwhitestacheheadIn "What If" #40 (August 1983) Doctor Strange's enemy, the Unspeakable Umar, gets a radical makeover courtesy of artist Jackson "Butch" Guice. On the left is Umar's traditional look, rendered by Paul Smith in "Doctor Strange" #69 (February 1985) and on the right is Guice's version.

ds69umaroldschool wi40umardress

Whoo, mama! Umar, you saucy tramp, I didn't think you had it in you! And by "it" I mean crabs. Don't get me wrong, I think it's a vast improvement over Dark Crystal Gayle over there, who needs to get back to her community theater production of "The King & I" pronto. For reals, she looks like the Michael Jackson Pepsi accident all over again, only with Lady Thiang. "Here is a man who thinks with his heart, his heart is not always-- AAAAIIEEEE! Good GOD! PUT IT OUT! PUT IT OUT!"

Nope, the Guice version is much prettier, what with the cute gauzy skirt and the more realistic flaming crown and the bangles and such. That said, the silhouette is just way too slutty. What's with the arrow cut-out that points to her Unspeakable cooter? (I guess Umar really is queen of the nether regions!) If I didn't know any better, I'd think the Wasp had a hand in this. Or up it. Speaking of which... that pet, whatever the hell it is? It's getting a bit familiar, wouldn't you say? I'm no prude, but even I'm squicked out by the notion of training an animal to finger bang you. (And you just know some of those rich old society matrons with the teacup chihuanuas have thought about that on more than one occasion.)

Hey, how's about a close-up?

wi40umarface

Ah, another glimpse into Guice's record collection. I wonder who this is. My guess? Laura Branigan. "Clea, you're always on the run now...!"

10 comments:

Lauren said...

Keep your eyes on the skin arrow and turn the picture upside down. The breasts combine with skin arrow to make anither level of nastiness.

...not that I have anything on my mind.

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

So noone likes her as Spock's angry grnadma?

Nope, me either.

Bully said...

Whoa, what's up with Clea's spine? I musta missed the retcon where she's now a Klingon?

Chawunky said...

I'm getting a sort of Patti Smith vibe from that last panel, myself.

I'm torn about which of Umar "Sheriff" Unspeakable's getups I prefer. The second, while cute, loses to the first in the "authoritative" department.

I'd split the difference if we want "sultry", "seductive", and "ruthless dictator". Take the first, more severe outfit, and take the sleeves and skirt (everything above or below the rosy embroidered sections) and make them gauzy. Keep the stiff, forbidding collar, add bangles, and voila, the best of both worlds (maybe).

Move the black diamond-shaped bit down if she needs coverage, but if she's got imps feeling her up she may not be overly worried about that sort of thing.

Nepharia said...

To be honest, the Smith version dress is much sexier without the 'ho' connotation, but the face and hair have got to go.

We just need to get the head of Guice together with the body of Smith and we'll be good to go....

...um, *yes*, I have been drinking, why do you ask?

1000Words said...

Umar looks like she's had a stroke in the close-up panel.

Gloria said...

Regardless of the she-evil costume options, I personally prefer Paul Smith to Butch Guice for all the world.
Smith is as classy with pencils as Astaire in tails , while Guice is just the truck drivers' choice (well, IMHO)

The Thing That Walks Like A Man said...

...while Guice is just the truck drivers' choice. -- Gloria


You say that as if it's a bad thing.

From the musical stylings of C.W. McCall, to trucker-grade coffee and stimulants, to their ever-classy mud flaps, the Kings of the Road have NEVER lead me astray.

SanctumSanctorumComix said...

Ah... but have you seen the Maguire-drawn version of UMAR from the Giffen/DeMatteis/Maguire DEFENDERS mini-series?

Umar is HOT.
Wearing some flimsy numbers (when she's wearnig clothes at all.

AND she's on the make for some HULK-lovin'.

Toss in the mix that she and Dormammu have some incestuous relationship going on, and it's a wild new take on some old characters.

The mini is a bit of a hard read for many old-school Defenders fans, but if read as a Giffen/DeMatteis/Maguire romp, it's fine.

Anyway.
UMAR = hot-to-trot-sexpot in that mini.

~P~
P-TOR

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