Y'know what? It kind of sucks working for somebody else after being my own boss! But at least I'm not cooling my hairy heels in the space-pokey -- a.k.a. Takron-Galtos, not the other Space-Pokey, which is a bar in West Lallorwood.
Balls. Where was I? Oh yeah! "Amazing Spider-Man" #207. After ditching Deborah Whitman outside a run-down theater -- and thus cheating her out of the "dinner" part of "dinner and a show" -- Peter Parker maximizes his Jilting Potential by not even showing up for their second date!
Before Giuliani cleaned up NYC, there were Limburger vendors on every street corner! Or perhaps this is a young Thomas Kinkade.
In any case, jerkwad-on-the-go Peter missed a real opportunity that night. Because a chastened Deborah has dared to "tramp it up" and expose her calves! Granted, they're sticking out of a voluminous maternity raincoat, but they're still mighty tempting. Well, maybe that extra from a maritime tavern fight scene in a "Power Man and Iron Fist" comic in the first panel will give her a ride home. With a brief detour for... intrigue! (That'd be my first step in a company-wide crossover designed to promote a new comic called "Power Man and Iron Fist and Deborah Whitman.")
11 comments:
Deborah Whitman totally belongs in a Dan Clowes comic.
In fact, she kind of belongs in this Dan Clowes comic.
Power Man and Iron Fist and Deborah Whitman would be a great comic, but you know how it goes these days, she's just going to get depowered and stuffed in a refrigerator or something.
Please tell me that these "Wanna buy something awful?" moments are in fact leading somewhere. 'Cause if not, what the hell?
So, these are the kind of stories we can await for a single Peter Parker?
Oh, joy.
I would be skeptical of the "wanna buy somethin'" lines, except that the next tab over on my browser is Overheard in New York.
So I think that writer may be basing the weird trenchcoat vendors on personal experience.
"Wanna buy somethin' real stinky?"
That's the best offer I've had all month! HELL YEAH!!! You take a check?
Isaac: Bwah! Man, she does have the raging self-pity required for a Dan Clowes character, doesn't she?
Jon: Unless the writer is Chris Claremont, in which case she'll be transfigured into an insanely powerful super-being who talks like the S&M mistress at Chris' favorite dungeon.
jayunderscorezero: Nope! (Ya burnt!)
Dave: Well, this and yankin' it to a copy of "Busty Red-Headed Sluts Bi-Monthly."
Dr. Tectonic: Then those guys really need to work on their patter. (And unionize!)
Stephen: Yes, but I'll need to see two stinky forms of ID.
Marvel should totally revamp Homeless Street Vendor Dude for the new millenium. He could be one of the guys from SHIELD or Damage Control who got downsized when Registration cut into their business. And he can sell unpleasant, smelly things to our heroes.
I assume he'd be the arch-villain in War Machine and Whitepants (and Deborah Whitman).
"War Machine and Whitepants"... HAW! You win, Anonymous!
Ad Peter Parker, Porno Freak -- I think this actually would make it easier for his fan-base to identify with his situation.
Spider Man is a cursed title. God help you if you ever have an idea... any change of any sort is pretty much guaranteed to be undone, with a half-life now approaching about ten years.
Heh. You're right, especially about the audience-identification. Why elevate, when you can pander?
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