Wednesday, January 16, 2008

In Which All Is Explained, Stupidly

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Right, because who even uses guns? Aside from everybody who isn't a super-hero or a super-villain? Er, except for the Punisher. Okay, so General Angst must be planning to use Ultra-Tub as a super-henchman. I guess. Still, he could've just bought a kevlar vest for about 1/bajillionth of what this surgery must've cost.

Meanwhile, in the offices of Roger Clemens' personal trainer...

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Y'know, I went to a posh English boarding school with a Sever Nerve-Trunks. Rummy chap.

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Except that armies use guns! And these guns occasionally fire "high-caliber bullets"! Gah! This whole operation is actually a tax shelter, isn't it? (And I wish I could have heard the conversation between General Angst and his loan officer. "You want to invest the money in WHAT?!")

Helpfully, letterer "Karisha" (no last name, because they're a Bowie-esque androgyne with a big, tousled hair-do; intense, kohl-smeared eyes; and a puffy-sleeved, silk blouse open down to here) provided a word balloon in the lower right-hand corner to indicate the reader groaning at Denny O'Neil's inane storyline. "UNNN--" Thank you, Karisha! I'm sending you a gift basket with a selection of bronzers and scented oils and hypo-allergenic lubricants.

It's the least you deserve.

7 comments:

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

Jeez, can't the General stop fondling that gun for one minute?

darknessatnoon said...

"Okay, so General Angst must be planning to use Ultra-Tub as a super-henchman."

That reminds me, we need more henchmail from you.

David Lawson said...

Wait a moment. Going back to the chart in yesterday's post of all the "vulnerable" parts. Does that mean that Tub's nads are now encased in plastic?

Because thanks to those "hormone injections", those things are gonna atrophy anyway.

And what self-respecting general holds a rifle like it's a bagpipe? Is that why he's not worried about high-caliber bullets? Because he thinks guns are large musical instruments?

Oh Denny Boy! The crap, the crap you're writing!

Blockade Boy said...

Jon: Heh. Y'know, I've used the old "I was just cleaning it and it went off" excuse before. Only not with my gun.

Darknessatnoon: I'll see what I can do! (Short of a jailbreak at Takron-Galtos, natch.)

David Lawson: Haw! Encasing Tub's tender parts in plastic is all well and good, but how is it going to save his calculator?

LurkerWithout said...

"Y'know, I went to a posh English boarding school with a Sever Nerve-Trunks. Rummy chap."

The fact that you were 29 when this occurred is what makes it extra-wrong. Or right. I guess it depends on your perspective...

David Lawson said...

Haw! Encasing Tub's tender parts in plastic is all well and good, but how is it going to save his calculator?

Dr. Moon never said where the plastic came from. For all we know Tub now has testicles that can do long division.

Blockade Boy said...

Lurkerwithout: Hey, I was researching an article. Yeah, that's what I was telling everyb-- er, I mean, that's the reason.

David Lawson: Now, how did you guess one of Storm Boy's turn-ons?