Thursday, January 17, 2008

So, Tub... How Are You Likin' That New Haircut?

Suck it up, Tub. You just have a couple of "razor bumps." Admittedly, they're each the size of a Storck Chocolate Riesen. But still.

Now, you just have to grow out your body hair and adorn your pudgy mug with a killer biker 'stache, and the people from Colt Studio will be knocking down your door! (Also, you might want to get a pair of nipples grafted to your chest. In size XXXL.) Of course, you'll need a trustworthy agent to manage your affairs. Here. Take my card.

Hey, this ice-cream tastes like high-powered rifle!

The blocking here baffles the hell out of me. Angst was holding a rifle just a couple of panels earlier, with no indication of him being anywhere near a refrigerator or kitchenette, and then he's suddenly holding a solid gold cafeteria tray with a heapin' helpin' of ice-cream on it. Where did it even come from? And is he still holding the rifle? Perhaps, between his legs? Lovingly? Because -- barring the addition of a caption box that reads "Five minutes later" -- I can only imagine one way for this panel to make any sense at all, and it requires the rifle to be a kick-ass "sundae gun" that discharges cherry-vanilla ice-cream.

Kee-rist. O'Neil's writing gives me a headache. An ice-cream headache. I think I'll let my gaze wander over to the Hostess ad on the facing page.

Ah! Much better.


Anonymous said...

Or maybe the soft-serve maker is working!
They could just connect the hose to his mouth. EWWW.

Lord Morgue

Dave said...

What!?! Hal Jordan getting pwn3d with neither a floating ass nor a head injury in sight!?!

This cannot be.

(Blue Lanterns should always be drawn with their crotches at mouth level -- it fits in with that theme of "hope".)

Anonymous said...

If he can conceive of turning a fat kid into a perfect weapon that can devastate whole armies just owing to having his balls removed, then he can conceive of an ice cream rifle.

Sea-of-Green said...

Ahhh, but how do we KNOW that's really ice cream? It could be cherry-vanilla ANYTHING. ;-)

Bill S. said...

I love the way General Angst looks in the second panel, just all shifty and evil.

Stephen R. said...

A "rifle to be a kick-ass 'sundae gun' that discharges cherry-vanilla ice-cream..." All I can think is, "That's friggin' HOT!"

Erich said...

My God, General Angst stole Sissyman's secret weapon!

" Mint chocolate chip would kill you instantly, but I want you to die slow. So, it's pistachio for you!"

Jeremy Rizza said...

Lord Morgue: "EWWW." Indeed. I appreciate your saying it for me!

Dave: Don't forget Hal's other other weakness: the fact that he's just plain dumb as a rock.

Justin: Good point.

Sea_of_Green: Wow, nefarious! I like your way of thinking!

Bill S.: And you just know he's holding in a really loud "MWAH-HAH-HAH!" It's killing him, not being able to say that.

Stephen: I can't say I'm surprised! :)

Erich: Holy crap! Just don't let Geoff Johns find out about that; he'll fabricate a year-long storyline out of it.

Anonymous said...

Note the use of "I hurt!"- that is a genuine Clairemontism. I'm waiting for Tubby Banekins to pick up that MEAN GIRL WHO MOCKED HIM in a Byrne Choke, now.

-Lord Morgue, 80's survivor.

Jeremy Rizza said...

Bwah! Y'know, Ox and I had some lovely garlic-stuffed Byrne Chokes at his place the other night. And sure, it made my pee smell funny, but Ox didn't really mind.

Anonymous said...




I'll bet.

-Lord Morgue