Friday, May 16, 2008

I'm Evidently a Dreamboat


Say, who's this handsome devil?

Why, it's none other than me, as envisioned by fellow blogger (and arch-villain) Captain Koma, over in the Heroes United forums! It's stunning, no? I'm not currently in the market for a new costume, Captain, but if I ever turn to the dark side -- and contract conjuctivitis -- I'll definitely consider this look! Hot damn but I'd look fetching! Observe, if you will, the lush red beard, the dashing eye-patch, the marvelously masculine segmented shoulder-pads! I'm a hunk! I mean, I'd jump this guy's bones in a nano-second! And he's me! ...Okay, so that image is a trifle too "out there" even for yours truly.

My apologies.

Well, this is as good a time as any to give you all a little flavor of my life as it stands right now. My massive, rampant, uncut celebrity is starting to sag a little. I no longer get mobbed by hoards of nearly-naked hover-bikers. Dang it. Still, I have enough clout that I worked out a deal with my good friend Eyeful Ethel: to help restore confidence in her stockholders, her company is now officially called "The Eyeful Ethel Detective Agency, Featuring Blockade Boy." I don't think she resents it too much.

Ethel tried to lure Dentata Damsel away from that voiceover gig she'd taken with Paramount-Universo. It turned out that the folks at Paramount-Universo had never even heard of Dentata Damsel. We later discovered, she'd been living with Tusker in some twisted "Beauty and the Beast" (TV show) scenario, and, in her words, "platonically banging" him. They're both in counseling right now.

Still no sign of Nightmare Boy.

Ethel hired two new detectives: Compass Kid and Bad Apple Boy. The first is a mildly-powered Braalian with an uncanny sense of direction; the second is a Rimborean poseur with souped-up Chlorophyl Kid powers. (You'd be surprised how many toddlers have fallen into vats of mutagenic hydroponic solutions. It's a national tragedy!) I'll write some more about these two next week.

Storm Boy has regained some of the weight he'd lost, but it actually looks good on him. I guess it's because he's still working out. So he's kind of "husky" now. The important thing is, his upper arms are finally thicker than his forearms. Which is great, because the whole "Popeye" thing had been freaking me out.

Oh, and I still have enough name recognition (and raw, blistering sexiness) that I've been invited to enter a holo-vid reality show contest! It's sort of a biathlon, where the contestants have to master both complicated sexual positions and complicated ballroom routines. The show is called "Schtupp It Up and Dance." (And for me, the first part should be a breeze.)


Anonymous said...

That's awesome. Great job, Captain.


Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

The pic kind of makes you look like the result of Zeus and a space pirate getting fused together in Brundlefly's teleporter.

We'll either that or the result of Zeus turning into a ram and seducing a space pirate.

Gus Casals said...

I tell you, with a little grooming ( trimming a little the beard, lose the bandana and the patch ) it's a very good look.

As for your life update, I'm dying to see what Bad Apple boy looks like.

And a huskier Storm Boy? I'm all for it, post some pics!

Bill S. said...

Seconded on the huskier Storm Boy. As long as he's still sober, that is a very good thing.

So, what, you're part of the DCAU now? (Um, I really want to see that episode of JLU!) The shoulder pads are a bit much -- how would you even raise your arms? -- and the groinal area is terrifyingly bulge free, but the areas of exposed skin work, and I really dig those boots.

Nepharia said...

Well, I must say that Koma out did himself -- and you remain a sexy beast.

Oh, and what channel is your new reality show going to be shown on? I wouldn't want to miss that.

Comixbear said...

Just to let you know, the show's name has changed. It's now "Hard Times and Soft Shoes". However, it is barefoot.

I like the drawing! If I only had more people willing to do Comixbear drawings!!! ;)

spazmo said...

Wow. That's much more stylish than your original costume, BB.
(If you don't mind my sayin')

Nice job, CK!

I've already done Blockade Boy (as played by a certain Jeremy R) for my elaborately pointless Buffy meets the Legion of Super-Heroes page. He's at the bottom of the "Reserves, Trainees and Pals" section.

I may have to add the striking Koma rendition as an alternate costume. Red tights are so much more crotch-flattering than brown...

LurkerWithout said...

Did you even get an episode of the animated LoSH?

Anyway good for Tusker and too bad for Dentata Damsel...

Jeremy Rizza said...

Phil: Totally!

Jon: There really ought to be more pirate/gods. Seriously.

Gustavo: I believe I can oblige you with pictures next week.

Bill: I guess Animated Blockade Boy is a "grower" and not a "shower."

Nepharia: It's on "ABC Family" (which in the future, is the filthiest channel on the holo-vision).

Comixbear: Barefoot? Shit. I have corns.

Spazmo: No offense taken. And as I explained when I took over this blog, that yellow t-shirt/brown carto pants ensemble wasn't a costume; it's just what I happened to have been wearing when Nardo kidnapped my ass. Also, seeing my ex-roommate Jeremy as me is both mildly disturbing and kind of a turn-on. Balls. I feel all clammy and quivery now. Kinda dizzy, too. Yikes! ...Ah well, it's nothing a couple of kegs of Astro Bock can't fix!

Lurker: No, and it's a damn shame! I betcha that show wouldn't have been canceled with yours truly as the lead!

MaGnUs said...

So, what's Gadf... Black Condor up to? You know I'm fond of the little guy... I even suspect we might be related somehow. Although I'm not little by any definition, at 250 pounds and 6 feet tall. More like "fat".