Tuesday, April 04, 2006
Secret Wardrobe 2: Part Two Of Infinity
From Secret Wars 2 #2, that's the pre-Jheri curl Beyonder, wearing his cheap knock-off of Captain America's designer body. Hey, check out the dude in the foreground. Sweet muttonchops!
In this same issue, the Beyonder swipes a suit off a mannequin but it's way too small. Luckily for him, he's immediately accosted by a Sassy But Wise Black Lady, like they have on TV.
Extreme Makeover: Homeless Edition! Not long after, the Maya Angelou of the dumpster set asks the Beyonder point-blank, "How come you're so dumb? You from space or something?" Okay, first of all I'd just like to announce that I'm stealing that line and I'm going to use it as often as I can. And secondly, I love how it's a legitimate question in the Marvel Universe.
Secret Wars #5 introduces that sensational character find of 1985: Tabitha Smith, a.k.a. Boom Boom, Boomer, Time Bomb, Meltdown, blah, blah, blah...! The Beyonder may be from space (and therefore dumb) but even he knows Tabitha won't make it far in comics with a face like hers.
Extreme Makeover: Homely Edition! I read this when it first came out, and even then I thought, "You don't want the Beyonder to make you pretty, Tabitha? Don't worry; that'll be taken care of by every single artist who ever draws you, ever, ever again." Let's do a quick before-and-after, shall we? Here's Tabitha in Secret Wars 2 #5 (November, 1985) and in X-Factor #12 (January, 1987).
Note that the plain Tabitha is crying for real and the pretty Tabitha is only pretending to cry. Deep, no? And Tabitha has stayed pretty, with occasion stops in Hottieville and its outlying suburbs, Trampy Towne and Wetly F***able Corners.
More Secret Wars 2 dish tomorrow, but before I go I'd like to talk about Tabitha's Devo sunglasses. I'm still trying to wrap my brain around the fact that these sunglasses, nay, her entire ensemble, looked not only "normal" but "fashionable." And if I had a choice of walking around with a puffy blackened eye or covering them with those particular sunglasses? I'd demand a third option, preferrably while firing a machine gun in the air to emphasize my point.