Monday, October 23, 2006

Narrow Win Stadium

headshotjeremyHoly cats! Now, that was a football game! I'm referring (of course) to the Chiefs/Chargers game yesterday -- tied up 27-27 with 5:10 to go in the fourth, and that deadlock only broken by Lawrence Tynes' career-long fifty-three yard field goal with 0:06 left on the clock. So KC won, barely, 30-27.

  • Turns out San Diego's deep back is named Michael Turner. I'm surprised he has time for a football career in between drawing all those ugly JLA covers. I also wonder if the woman who models for him really does look like an extruded version of Angelina Jolie... with her spinal column surgically removed.
  • KC has suffered four veteran losses this season (so far). Here's the rundown: Trent Green (concussion), Willie Roaf (sting ray attack), John Welbourn (toenail fungus), and Tony Richardson (alien abduction -- kidding! It turns out he actually died fifteen years ago). I think KC really should have seen that last one coming.
  • First quarter: we get a glimpse of Trent "Astroturf For Algernon" Green as he decides to start eating a felt tip pen. CBS cuts away before Herm Edwards runs over and slaps it out of his hand.
  • An announcer, about two Chargers passes that led to fumbles: "Phillip Rivers looked high and uncertain on both of them." Well, that explains all the Grateful Dead decals on his helmet.
  • First quarter: Tynes saucily hikes up his knickers to show off a little kneepad. Brazen!
  • Second quarter: Fantastic fifty-seven yard pass completion by KC's #88 Tony Gonzalez, who kept pushing down the field even though three Chargers were mobbing him and had even spun him around so he was facing away from the goal. He was running backwards! He was moonwalking to victory!
  • A Chevy ad: a doughy middle-aged farmer or hunter with a truck full of dogs, accompanied by the text, "This is our spokesman." That's odd; I thought their spokesman was a little cartoon boy urinating on a Ford logo.
  • The Chiefs took their second time-out with 0:34 left in the second quarter. QB Damon Huard used that respite to consult with Edwards. Meanwhile, Trent Green began to lick his laminated play sheet. At a post-game press conference, he reported, "It tastes like peanut butter!" (Yes, I know this concussion=stupid gag is getting tired. Will I cut it out? ...ummmmmmmmmmNOPE.
  • Announcer Rich Gannon keeps referring to players as "hats" and quite frankly he's starting to freak me out. I don't like Dadaesque play-by-play, Gannon! Also, Boo Radley called; he wants his haircut back.
  • Third quarter: I'm no expert, but it seems to me that if you're going to pass the ball to a guy, it should be somebody who doesn't have his back to you, Damon Huard.
  • Third quarter: Despite the Chargers' Marlon McCree signalling to the contrary, the refs rule for a KC touchdown. Man, I love it when the players try to tell the refs what to call. Honestly, has that ever worked? "Pass interference, number forty-nine, offense, five-yard pen-- what? No? Well, if you insist..."
  • Fourth quarter: the Chargers' #21, LaDainian Tomlinson has the ball and fends off the Chiefs' #35, Lenny Walls, by barely touching him and yet somehow sending him flying backwards. In fact, the first time I saw it, the angle was such that it didn't look to me like Tomlinson had touched Walls at all! I was thinking, "How the hell did he do that... mind powers?!" Or maybe Walls has a greater resistance to Earth's gravity.
  • On a related note, I'm thinking of changing my first name to JereMainian.
  • Just once, just for a change, I'd like to see a player make a touchdown and point downwards. ("Thank you, Satan!")

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