Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Legion Of Substitute Costumes: The Mess

blockadesantahead I honestly did not think my Stone Boy redesign would gross out so many people. Which says more about my ability to read a room than anything else. I inked the body hair last, and for a second I considered just leaving the guy hairless. And then I glanced down at my hairy inner thighs and decided, "screw it." But I swear by all that's fashionable that I didn't set out to make it look like fetish wear. Honest and for true. And then I read the comments and I thought "Aw, shit. They're really gonna hate my Mess redesign because it looks like a fucking gimp costume." Oh well, huh? Let's go!


The Mess was rejected for Legion membership for obvious reasons. He's essentially Super-Pigpen. And if you don't get that reference, try this: he's essentially Super-Puck-From-"The Real World: London." And if you don't get that reference, you're way too young to be even reading this blog. And get the hell off my lawn! Anyway. To bottom-line it? He's gross.

Here's what I'd do with him:


My idea? Wrap the smelly l'il fucker up in a garbage sack --er, I mean, "containment suit." It would have a big vertical seam (zippered, or maybe it would use ZipLoc technology.)

I made the suit black and shiny because it's supposed to evoke a trash bag, and because I wanted to emphasize the silhouette. It's all based around the pointy, drooping cowl. Kind of like executioners would wear. And not gimps! Nope! The pointy shape is mirrored in the Swamp Thing cut-out for the mouth. The yellow goggles and the boot trim provide a respite from all the black.

I figure The Mess could keep the suit sealed up most of the time, marinating in his own funk, and then in battle he could open it now and then to paralyze his foes with whiffs of devestating stank. And assuming he's on the level about having superpowers, I bet he could practice with them until he became a black hole for garbage -- kind of like a matter-specific Chunk. He'd at least be useful for rescue missions, like finding civilians who are buried under rubble. Legion-worthy? Oh, hell no. Useful? Yup!

So keep on stinkin', The Mess. I'm sure you're good for something.


Anonymous said...

The Mess-I like! Maybe 'Stinkor' from 'Masters of the Universe' could be a furry, Chewbacca-like sidekick for him.

What's that old man doing there? There are several possibilities:

1) Wandering away from his nursing home in a senility-addled daze, he stumbled into the Legion HQ.

2) Dynamo Boy went to the mall, found him sitting in front of JC Penney, and agreed to buy him dinner at Cracker Barrel if he would come to the auditions and be used in the demonstration.

3) The old man was there for the auditions, and has some super power himself, which we never get to see because he's so happy to be 'reinvigorated' by DB that he doesn't care about getting into the Legion anymore. But what planet is he from? What are his powers? Would an elderly gentleman be able to fit in with a group of young folks like the Legion? Ah, the mysteries of comic books!

4) To paraphrase a scene from the movie 'Hard Day's Night' starring The Beatles.

Element Lad: "Who's that little old man?"

Invisible Kid: "Oh, he belongs to Sun Boy."

Element Lad: "Ah. Clean, isn't he?"

Invisible Kid: "Yes, very clean."

Anonymous said...

It's all an elaborate ruse--the old man's just a young actor with a fake beard and a bald cap. Look at those spry, muscular legs. Do those look like the legs of an old man to you?

I actually like this redesign a lot, since it is appropriate for a carnival act, which is about the only work The Mess is ever going to get.

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

So Dynamo Boy gets to join because he can irradiate old men but Eye Full Ethyl doesn't because she has a stupid name? Hey, I can irradiate old men, I do it all the time, can I join the Legion?

Anonymous said...

Puck, of course, was from the San Francisco season of "The Real World", not the London season. The same season that gave us *shudder* Judd Winick.

Unknown said...

Vagina Man!

Gloria said...

The Mess is vastly improved, costume -wise...still, he looks more like a super-baddie: his powers could get frigtful if used for evil purposes.

BTW, his Legion application wear has a "carbage-patch-kid" je ne se quoi

P.S.: I'm shocked at the anti-body hair comments about Stone boy... as a member of the gentler sex, we who have to use compulsorily hot wax and epilators (lest we should we treated as social pariahs), I respect Stone Boy's furry look

nico said...

I rather like the fuzzy look for Stone Boy. Granted, the costume is a bit fetishistic (is that even a word?), but then again, nearly all costumes are.

Anonymous said...

Sharp and disturbing. Very nifty.

And you found a way to bare his chest too. Bravo! I salute your addressing gender-based disparities in exposed superhero skin.

Nepharia said...

I'm sorry, am I the only one that finds it disturbing that he pulls garbage from the inside of his suit? I mean, does he create it in there?

Phillip said...

He reminds me of my friend's band, The Leeches They use actual garbage bags for authenticity's sake. ;)