When Knighthood Was in Teeny Satin Jogging Shorts

"Doctor Strange" #69 (February 1985) begins with Dane Cook -- sorry, that's actually Dane Whitman -- exercising on the deck of a luxury liner. There he is, trotting proudly along like a prize stallion in his immodest jogging togs, shaking his hot cross buns and showing everyone his Whitman sampler. And of course, Doctor Strange is right behind him, invisibly ogling his ass. (Not that I blame him. Dude is hot.)

"Don't hope too hard! I'd have sworn he was talking to himself! About his 'cabaret act' at the 'Barracuda' in Chelsea!"

You gotta love how the shorts are threatening to split wide open and show his ass to the world, and yet his socks practically go up to his thighs. (Dane has calf issues.) Hell, why doesn't he just do his jogging dressed only in a thick wool muffler, one of those plaid hunting caps with the ear flaps on it, and a thong? Oh, right. Calf issues. Also, the wooden deck would tear up his bare feet something awful. Better add some cowboy boots to that ensemble.

Okay... I think you've cock-teased all the desperate young women on the entire boat, Dane. Enough already! Get your barely-covered ass back to your cabin and dress for dinner.

Oh, for--! You call that a Windsor knot?! And where's that nice tie-tack I bought you? Come here. Come here. And hand over the plastic helmet and the toy sword and my gardening gloves. You heard me! We are not going to dinner when you're dressed like that.

Honestly, I can't take you anywhere.