Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Nipples Are for Pussies

gr155nipples1

Then Jimmy turns around and she sees he has no nipples and she throws herself screaming off the nearest pier.

Just kiddin'! Jimmy knows that most women prefer their men to have smooth, hairless, feminine bodies. That's why he gets his chest waxed! But first and foremost, Jimmy is a man. A man's man. So when his latest round of waxing pulled his nipples right off, Jimmy didn't so much as grit his teeth! Because that would be a sign of weakness. And does he cover up his curious amputation? HELL NO. Because that unlicensed and probably illegal Brazilian waxer had played right into Jimmy's hands! Because Jimmy's been around. And Jimmy knows. If the ladies love a hairless chest, they'll go apeshit over a chest with no hair and no nipples! Finally, Jimmy's vast, rotating coterie of girlfriends can run their busy fingers over his slab-like body without hitting the "speedbumps" as they used to call them. No, it's "smooth sailing" for old Jimmy Banion from here on in.

(Myself, I'd rather die.)

10 comments:

naladahc said...

Bwhahahahahaha!

Anonymous said...

You know what would make this panel a million times cooler? Jimmy Olsen.

You decide whether he's no-nipple Banion or in drag again. Either way, super-cool.

Dave said...

He has obviously had his torso shrink-wrapped in pink plastic to avoid verdigris on those "bronze shoulders".

Either that, or he had a nasty accident painting the hull...

Blockade Boy said...

Naladahc: Score!

Anonymous: Maybe he's Banion and the blonde is Lucy Lane. And this is yet another twist in their already unhealthy relationship. But from what I know of Jimmy, he's probably in drag.

Dave: Is "painting the hull" what they called it back then? Sailors--! (Actually, I might have to steal that line...)

Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

Rugged bronze shoulders and a strong smell of Old Spice.

MaGnUs said...

Jimmy Banion is kind of scrawny...

Blockade Boy said...

You have to remember, this is before the days when a guy had to spend forty hours a week exercising in order to look "normal."

MaGnUs said...

Still, he does look a bit scrawny. I mean, I don't want him to look like a Jon Bogdanove drawn Superman (God, anybody else remember body-building on super Kyptonian steroids Superman?), but he's not even the wiry-muscular kind of guy...

Blockade Boy said...

MaGnUs: Through rigorous hypnosis therapy, I'm trying to forget having looked at any Jon Bogdanove artwork, ever.

MaGnUs said...

I tried, believe me.... but I found out I could only afford either to forget Jon Bogdanove, or to forget Rob Liefield. And then somebody stole my money before I could get the hypno therapy...