Monday, June 25, 2007

You Might Want to Listen to the "Aviator" Soundtrack While You Read This

lanacoastisclear

Man, Mrs. Lang really loves that dress, huh? Or does she just wear the same one every day? And I do mean "the same one. She's probably like the lady in that ad from your era who strolls happily through some grimy metropolis with clouds of urine-bearing steam assailing her from all directions, and then she makes it home and she throws her ruined frock into some contraption that steams out the stank, and then she puts the dress right back on again and joins her hubby for a night on the town! Except in 1961 Smallville that magical washing machine hasn't been invented. So every time Mrs. Lang gets a stain on her dress she's forced to run back inside her house, pull down the blinds, and strip down so she can wash the dress while she waits anxiously for hours in her slip and housecoat, and she's starting to get ideas like Oh dear I've washed this beautiful dress so many times it may be wearing on the fabric and perhaps I can't go much longer until it gets thin enough that one can see my bosoms why just this morning that Fenton boy from down the street rode by on his tricycle and his gaze lingered more than it ought oh what shall I do? So she starts to avoid situations where she might pick up a stain, like church picnics and and anyplace where there are automobiles and days on which it might rain and finally she just stops going out and she winds up spending all day in her bedroom never taking off the dress and she begins to reek only she doesn't care because she's gone into a catatonic state but if Professor Lang or Lana or that doctor they called tries to touch her dress she goes apeshit and has to be taken down with a tranquilizer dart.

Or yeah, maybe she just has a bunch of identical dresses.

8 comments:

Justin Garrett Blum said...

This coming from a guy who wore the same Santa suit for months!

Blockade Boy said...

Hey, don't underestimate the power of "Fabreze." (And some "Dr. Scholl's" for the boots.) Also? I had no problem stripping down at the local laundromat. Hell, if anything I'm more social when I'm just in a thong. (Although I'm hairy enough that a lot of folks probably just assumed I was wearing some kind of wool bodysuit.)

Johnathan said...

There's a lot of little details like clothing and such in these old Superboy yarns that make it seem like a lot of them happen over the course of a day, like all of their adventures were carried out with great efficiency.

Blockade Boy said...

Jonathan: Heh. I guess in a way they were! Things would happen in one panel back then that would take a whole six-issue story arc nowadays. (Personally, I think both types of storytelling are way too extreme.)

Phillip said...

That Fenton kid is a menace. Maybe even a pervert, too.

MaGnUs said...

I was gonna go with the multiple dresses, but how about Professor Lang actually found a mystical object that is NOT dangerous, one that magically cleans dresses?

Blockade Boy said...

Phillip: Yeah, I think he did some time at Leavenworth. He currently operates the tilt-a-whirl at Smallville's "HappyLand" amusement park.

MaGnUs: You think Professor Lang would ever bring home an artifact that isn't dangerous? What are you, high? (And if not, TAKE YOUR PILL!) Sorry, I'm lashing out again. My apologies. (Maybe I should take MY pill!)

MaGnUs said...

Yes, you're right. But it is fantasy, so I am allowed to imagine wild things, am I not?

Pill time!