Monday, January 28, 2008

Implosive Decompression

"So, these two guys walk into a reservoir..."

It's not just a great start for a filthy joke; it's also a pithy summary of page twelve of "The Perfect Fighting Machine." Which wouldn't be so bad, if it wasn't a seventeen-page story.

The top third of the page: "Bye, Alfred! I'm goin' to the reservoir!"

The middle third of the page: "Here comes Batman! To the reservoir!"

The bottom third of the page: "And there goes our guy into the reservoir!"


You're right, Incredible Melting Alfred. He could've turned out like Green Arrow or Iron Man. "Better the douche you know," as they say.


Ugh... a floppy-rimmed Old Man Hat. Those things give me the willies. But then, so do floppy old-man willies.

And it looks like that "jacked-up mummy hand" disease has jumped from Alfred to General Angst. That pretty much confirms for me that it's an STD.


The hell with internal logic! Denny O'Neil learned a new medical term, and he's gonna insert it into the dialog if it takes a crowbar and a sledge hammer.

I mean, all Moon did was give Tub a little silicone enhancement and then have him work out twelve hours a day. If that turns a guy into a moron, then... oh.

Point taken.


Jon the Intergalactic Gladiator said...

Maybe next time Angst could wear one of those hats that are knit together with beer cans. Something kind of like this but beer, of course.

My grandpa had one with Pabst cans. It was awesome.

Anonymous said...

Oddly enough, we in the medical community (I'm a nurse) still say someone is "gorked" if they are unresponsive or brain-damaged. I always wondered where that term came from.

Jeremy Rizza said...

Jon: You're making it worse.

Kevin: The only time I'd read it before this was in an issue of "Famous Monsters of Filmland" or "Fangoria" -- neither one a bastion of journalistic accuracy -- and they claimed it was a combination of "geek" and "dork". Yeah, I don't think so. (It was in an article on the Linda Blair movie, "Hell Night.")